The Night Series
by tangibleHELL
Summary: Kira Izuru had gone through Hell with Ichimaru Gin for decades only to be betrayed by him in the end. Will his friends help or only serve to send him into a deeper Hell..? Slight OOC, but mostly good! YAOI. Rated M. **DISCONTINUED**
1. Night of Farewell

**Hello! I thought I'd inform you guys this is a smut oneshot-turned-story, so this first page is a smut filled one. But it develops into a good story. **

**ENJOY! **

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**The Night of Farewell**

**By tangibleHELL**

The room of beige wood and white paper screens seemed to echo the whine of sweet, tangible agony from the pained Izuru Kira. His natural ivory skin now bled a line of scarlet from just above his navel.

"I- Ichimaru-ooh!" Kira barely managed to slip that from his swollen, red lips which seemed to have teeth marks etched onto them. As he said that his taichou, Ichimaru Gin, had wrapped his long, slender fingers around Kira's warm -stiff- cock and he had begun to stroke it. Not too harshly, but just enough to cut Kira off and make him moan aloud. Kira turned his head to the right causing his gold, silky locks of hair to fall further onto his face and Kira's awkward and thin brows cringed up and together as his teeth began to grind slightly, all the same time Gin worked Kira's length.

"I thought you _liked_ this sort of treatment, Kira-_chan_?" asked Gin as his wicked little smile spread wide into a grin. His eyes were rarely anything other than strange little slits of black lashes, long, but straight like that of a man's. Gin than slowly slithered his hungry, red tongue and lined his top lip, from right to left, like that of a beast whom has cornered a it's meal.

Gin leaned in, taking hold of Kira's left knee with his right hand as his left hand worked more quickly at Kira's hardening cock, spreading his precum across the head using his slender thumb. Gin slowly pushed Kira's left leg open, exposing him more. Gin's near moon-pale frame moved towards Kira's and pressed against it, lowering his own head to the small wound above Kira's navel. Kira's abdomen muscles constricted as Gin used his long tongue to molest his navel and the bleeding wound, circling them, than licking the wound clean for a moment till it began to bleed a small bead of scarlet again. Kira's head lulled back slightly as his lip curved back as a small sound came out. It was neither a sound of pain nor of pleasure. Simply lingering in between the two.

Gin relished the fact that Kira was confused right at that moment. Kira was not sure if he should reject Gin, or welcome Gin to do whatever he saw fit to do. Kira had probably began to think this way after he saw Hinamori Momo's reaction after Aizen Sosuke's death that day. Gin knew Kira's inner thoughts all too well. He knew that Kira had begun to doubt his true intentions. He had began to worry that Gin really was a traitor or if he was innocent.

This only made Gin long to devour Kira as hard as he could all the more. Gin moved his left hand from Kira's ripe cock, softly, to his sac and began to fondle it. Kira's eyes closed tightly and he attempted words of rejection but only mindless moans of pleasure came out. Kira wanted Gin to stop, but he also wanted to be satisfied by him. He had gotten so use to letting his taichou do to him as he pleased that it was difficult to even think of saying 'no' to him. Kira bit the inner lining of his bottom lip as a means to cope with his confusion and pleasure.

Gin's reaction to this was a quick penetration with his index and middle finger into Kira's unready and clenched hole. Kira's eyes bolted open as he gave up a short gasp. Kira flung forward slightly, as if to force Gin off, but was stopped by Gin's gazing eyes with irises' of scarlet. Kira stalled, pondered, than silently laid back as Gin closed his eyes to slits once again and continued his torturous penetration of Kira's unlubricated hole. Kira clenched his eyes shut and grasped at the black fabric of the kimono beneath himself.

"I... chima... ma -ah- ru..! "

"My, what a dilemma you have. To stop me - and your source of pleasure - or to enjoy yourself, even if it might be with a traitor." Gin chuckled as Kira opened his eyes just a bit and stared at Gin with a look of concern.

"You.. I.. I' m sorry... I shouldn't have thought that, Taich-ah!" Gin thrusted his straight, bare ring finger into Kira as he spoke, cutting his words off. Gin was pleased with the sight of Kira in this limbo of sorts a bit too much. Kira brought his hand to his mouth and used the back of it to muffle the moans he began to let out. Gin's fingers pushed and pulled at Kira, back and forth, wiggling at times as a bonus for Kira's good behavior.

"You know, Kira-chan, your voice is quite erotic when you are this far gone. You should just let it out. I'll cast a Kido spell so that no one outside this room will hear you, okay?" Gin curved his fingers inside Kira, pressing hard against his prostate. This hit Kira with a pang, making him arch slightly and groan aloud.

"There's my Kira-chan," Gin said as he pumped his fingers as deep as they would go into Kira. While Gin did that he moved his right hand from atop Kira's left knee to under it to the bottom of his lean calf. Gin grabbed it and as quick as a viper striking he jerked it up and than over his shoulder. Paired with this action Gin moved his hip in closer as he yanked his three fingers out of Kira. He used them to take hold of kira's waist and than he thrusted his swollen, pink cock all the way to the base into Kira's now stretched and lubbed hole. Kira's head whipped back as he yelled out a bit. A moment later they heard some sort of noise a ways off outside. Kira's eyes gave a worried and slightly angered look to Gin, whom appeared more amused than apologetic.

"Oops. Hahaha, sorry about that. I forgot about that little spell I said I'd cast. Got so worked up, you know."

"Da-damn. What if someone hea--_ah_!" Gin cut off Kira once again with a deep and hard thrust.

"Relax, Kira-chan, " said Gin amusingly. Gin hardly ever let Kira get so much as a few words out during these times they spent together. Gin continued to pump himself deep into Kira's fine, lean ass. Harder. Deeper. Kira moaned reluctantly. Gin didn't want Kira to hold back. Especially without the Kido spell to stop outsiders from hearing his voice. It was like a high, the idea that in this war time someone could easily mistake Kira's cries for cries of pain and not pleasure, making them charge in, discovering the two of them bound together by swollen, pumping flesh.

Gin dove harsher against Kira's frame, twisting Kira just enough to put him on his side. The twisting action also repositioned Gin's thrusting cock in Kira's red hole. Kira let out a whimper. Gin held his moist lips together in a wide, pleased smile, slightly opened at the middle. His hands clamped down harder on Kira's waist holding him in place forcefully--but still not in a rape-diluted fashion. Gin moved his right hand up to Kira's ankle which laid just at the base of Gin's neck, where it connected to his shoulder. Gin clasped Kira's foot and brought it to his thin chin, budging it playfully in the arc. Kira's toes tightened into little curves and made thin creases appear. Gin let his tongue slip past his slacked jaw to tease his foot more. Licking lightly in and out of the closed toes, nipping at times, all the while Gin plunged away skillfully at Kira.

This drove Kira's already confused senses into a fit of arousal. Without hesitating Kira turned towards Gin more and reached his opened palms up towards him in a longing gesture. Kira opened his desire drowned eyes and locked eyes with Gin's, which were open enough to see scarlet lining the black lashes of his heavy lids. With this passionate invite Gin slacked off Kira's leg and scooped Kira's body up and onto his cock, full force.

"Ah..! Ichimaru!!" Kira yelled out as he wrapped his trembling arms around Gin's neck and nuzzled his head under Gin's chin to the left. Gin gazed down at Kira and stared for a moment, as if deciding which part of Kira to let his tongue play with. Gin grinned at bit and snaked his tongue at Kira's right earlobe, from the bottom, up a little, than over to the outer ridge of his ear gliding up to the top. Kira reacted by arching inward a bit and mewing a bit. Gin grasped Kira's waist tighter and began to to grind and thrust into him with enthusiasm. Kira held Gin closer in his arousal. Kira's lack jaw let moans out loosely and a little bit of clear saliva began to go over the corner edge of Kira's mouth. Gin spotted this and pressed his longing tongue against the corner, spreading it up, than horizontally across Kira's lips. Gin then slipped his tongue into his mouth, demanding Kira's tongue to respond back. And it did, all too willingly.

They kissed passionately as they delve into one another with their burning, sweating, tender flesh. Hips grinding and pumping. Lips and tongues dancing in and out of each others' mouths. Throated, deep moans and short gasped for air as they occasionly parted mouths. Gin parted his lips from Kira's and fell back onto the kimono covered floor, taking Kira with him. Kira looked confused and slightly bewildered since Gin had never allowed for Kira to rise above him during sex together.

"Go ahead. Today I feel like..." Gin paused for a moment as he tapped his lower lip with his index finger from his right hand. "... _spoiling_ you."

"Ichi...maru..?" Kira asked in between harsh breathes. Kira's brow seemed to cringe with some type of concern. Gin chuckled at that and lifted his legs up, wrapping them around Kira's neck.

" I said I want to spoil you and you give me _that_ look?"

" I just... "

" 'Just' what, _hmm_? Think of this as a reward for all your good, hard work over the years, Kira-chan. "

" Ichimaru... "

" I want to feel you- _all_ of you, now." Gin demanded in a straight manner, not letting himself get worked up over it. He tightened his legs hold on Kira and pressed his bottom against Kira's lower belly. He grazed the small wound he had left above Kira's navel, smearing a small bit of blood. Kira took Gin's hips into his hands, spreading his fingers across and pulling Gin closer and lower. Gin felt the searing, wet head of Kira's cock and bit the tip of his finger. Gin opened his eyes, just enough to see a hint of scarlet, and stared at Kira as he seemed to hesitate. That annoyed Gin a bit since he was craving for Kira to penetrate him. Kira must have sensed Gin's annoyance, because at that moment he seemed to make up his mind as he swolled air and slid his ripened cock along the base of Gin's spine to his entrance.

"Your _saliva_. Use it to lub me first," said Gin with a sly smile. Kira obeyed, and began to lick his fingers. But Gin did not approve. "Not that way, Kira-chan," explained Gin."Your saliva. _Use it_."

"Uh..?" Kira was at a loss. He was not sure what he meant. But a second later he jerked his head up realizing what Gin had wanted him to do. Kira cringed his brows more so, but nodded in agreement. Kira lowered his mouth to meet Gin's throbing hole. He paused for a moment seeming to decide if he should, but than a second later he began to slowly lap away at Gin's hole. Gin found this both pleasurable and amusing. Gin licked his lips as he moaned, letting his head lay back onto the black fabric. He grabbed at Kira's head and grasped thick locks of gold silk fiercly. Kira groaned a bit, but started working at Gin knowing he'd be in trouble if he stopped over his hair being tugged at.

"Mm. Not bad, Kira-chan..!" Gin nused as he pressed his nails and palms into Kira's scalp. Kira lapped harder and long at Gin's hole, making it twitch a bit. "Kira-chan, your fingers. _Use them_. "

"Y-Yes, Ichimaru-taichou," replied Kira. He balanced Gin's bottom half as he brought his right hand to Gin's hole. Kira smoothed his fingers against Gin's hole, along with an intense lick. Kira worked his tongue, moving it and up and down and making circles about it.

"Good. Heeheeha... _Good boy_."

Kira remained silent as he wet Gin. His eyes half closed and glazed over with desire. His cock longing - _needing_ - to be touched. But Kira wouldn't dare make such a move on his own. Gin lifted himself a bit reaching out for Kira, raising his chest and the base of his throat, exposing his pale flesh. Kira deeply desired to take Gin right then. Kira slowed his tongue to a stop, but conitnued his fingers' probing. "Ichimaru-taichou..?"

"Hmm..?" Hummed Gin in a pleased manner.

"I can go in you now, right..? Your... wet enough... for me to get in..."

"Yeah... I want that too, Kira-chan." replied Gin, and with that Kira lowered Gin's bottom half to meet his cock and nudged Gin's hole, now stretched and lubricated, and thrust it deep into Gin. Gin arched upward and moaned aloud. With this new found pleasure of Gin's tight, clenched hole Kira seemed to go wild with desire and the pleasure fulfilling it. He began to pound and beat into Gin like he had never had such pleasures before. Kira growled throaty moans as Gin reached up at Kira longingly. Kira responded despite his pleasing abuse and leaned down toward Gin. Gin took hold of Kira's neck and lower gold hair and grabbed down hard. He than wrenched himself up and caught Kira's open mouth with his own, jolting his tongue into Kira's mouth, tasting every part of it, cheek to cheek. Demanding, yet caressing. Kira simply responded out of pure desire.

Gin pulled his legs from Kira's shoulders to his waist and locked them tightly around Kira's pounding hips. Kira jerked Gin up by his left arm, sitting him down hard onto his cock, thrusting up into Gin hungrily. Gin let his fall back in a fit of moans.

"Not... bad, at... all...!" exclaimed Gin in between breathes and moans. He grinned and chuckled a little at his own words. Kira moved his right arm up and grabbed Gin's head, pulling it close to his own. Kira smiled at Gin, who in turn made a narrowed grin at him, in a questioning fashion. At that Kira merely closed his heavy lids and shook his head as he buried his face into Gin's shoulder.

"Taichou..." Kira spoke so softly it was nearly unhearable. Gin's only response was the raise of his chin onto Kira's head, in an almost accepting manner. Kira gripped tighter and burried his head deeper as his whole body went taught and Gin knew what was next.

"Ah..! G-Gin..!" Kira yelled out as he thrust one last, passionate time. Gin responded as well, moaning loudly and tightening his grasp on Kira. Gin tensed a bit, feeling Kira's nectar fill him deep inside himself, but he would allow Kira to have his "reward" that night.

A short while later, as the sky went from a speckled Navy Blue to a deep violet and hot pink from the nearing dawn, Kira laid fast asleep on his side, covered from his waist down with his spread out black hakama pants. Gin was awake, standing next to Kira. Gin was observing him as he finished putting the white Taichou robe over the black kimono and hakama he wore. Gin's expression was almost sad, if it were not for his smile and half opened scarlet eyes. As Gin looked down at Kira a dark figure appeared outside through the white paper screens on the sliding doors. It came up close to the doors and preceded to slide them open a few inches, slowly and intentionally.

"Gin-san, time for us to, don't you agree?" The figure was Aizen, dressed in his Taichou uniform, similar to that of Gins. He held his usual calm, gentle face. At that Gin closed his eyes to slits of black lashes and widened his grim once again. He turned to face Aizen.

"But of course, Aizen-sama."

"Good." Azen than turned around and walked away in an even pace. Gin followed, but than stopped just inside the doors. He turned and gave a more sorrowful look towards Kira and only mouthed the words he wished Kira really could hear.

_**I'm sorry, Kira-kun. **_


	2. Night of Forgetting Chapter 1

**This is a sequel to The Night of Farewell oneshot,**

**but can be read as a stand alone.**

**DISCLAIMER: Bleach is not mine in any shape, way or form.**

**Also, I apologize if any character is OOC. I really try my best to make them like how they really are.**

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_The Night of Forgetting_

By tangibleHELL

As I sat in the, now lonely, 3rd Devision office I finished off the last paper work which had accumulated after Ichimaru's betrayal. It was a heavy burden to take on both Taicho and Fukutaicho positions and duties, but it was necessary for me to do so. As I got up from my seat at the desk I heard a faint sound from the door. When I looked up I found none other than my friend Hisagi Shuhei leaning up against the doorframe. His arms were crossed and a faint, wry smile was on his face. I had also noted he was holding a glass bottle - filled - in his right hand and two drinking bowls in his left. I nodded for him to come in but he jerked his head back a bit. I creased my eyebrows slightly and titled my head at him.

"Not in here, man. Let's get go outside. I wanna' get wasted under the setting sun," Shuhei finished with a dry chuckle. I relaxed my brow while I smiled and nodded in agreement. I wasn't one to usually drown myself in alcohol, but I wanted to forget Ichimaru any way possible. I wanted to drive all the twisted things he had did to me out of my head. I wanted to drive the thought that he had done those things out of amusement and not out of... No, I would not even say that word to myself. It was beyond absurd to even consider he had feelings for me. I should not even want him to after all the beatings and raping he had forced onto me.

I trembled slightly at the thought as I placed the papers, documents, and files on the desk Ichimaru had once sat at trying to get me to eat the disgusting dried persimmon he loved so very much. I paused at the memory of Ichimaru and cursed inwardly at myself for thinking so kindly of him. I turned and followed Shuhei, he and I both arguing and complaining of the hardships of taking on both roles.

Shuhei's Taicho, Tousen Kaname, also had gone with Aizen Sosuke to betray all of Soul Society. Hisagi was a close friend of mine ever since a field lesson for Performing Konso had gone wrong when some large Hollows had attacked. Me, Abarai Renji and Hinamori Momo had gone back after seeing his two friends killed and tried our best to help. It was not until Taicho Aizen and Fukutaicho Ichimaru came that we were saved.

_I remember that day, my heart pounding and head in chaos only to look up and see a God with silver hair spear the Hollow dead_ - I thought quietly to myself.

I shook my head at the thought. Not a God, a demon. Hisagi was in front of me boasting about how he got Taicho Kyoraku to give up one of his better bottles of sake telling him it was for a date he finally got. I laughed to show I was listening and interested in his words. As we sat down on the wooden deck outside the sun reflected into the sky fading it's colors; gold to orange to scarlet to violet to blue than the blue was beginning to become speckled with the glint of stars and a faint half-moon. After Shuhei and I sat we faced each other. His back was to the sunset and mine was to the corridor we just came out of. Shuhei handed me one of the drinking bowls and than poured me and himself a drink from the freshly opened sake bottle. I sipped slowly and patiently, as Shuhei downed his and had poured himself another before I was even on my fourth sip.

"C'mon, Izuru-kun! Drink it already! Don't be such a bitch 'bout it!"

"Wha-?" I looked up at Shuhei with a bit of distaste, but it left my face before he could have seen it. He had known nothing of the way Ichimaru had treated me and he only meant it as a friendly jab. I nodded with a smile and downed it. I winced at the strong sake flavor and Shuhei chuckled a little. He than poured me another and than drank his and poured himself another. I looked down at my drink, paused, than drank it all. When Shuhei reached over to pour me another I tried to pull away, but Shuhei grabbed my wrist sternly, not forcefully, before I could.

"Hey - steady! I almost got it all over your hakama, Izuru-kun," Shuhei held my wrist and part of my right hand with his left as he poured the sake from his right. I knew I was blushing from the heat on my cheeks, but Shuhei only laughed and said something of getting red from drinking. He wouldn't think it to be the skin- on- skin contact since we were both men. I further cursed inwardly at myself for reacting to Shuhei's gentle warmness and as soon as he let go I jerked my hand from his. He appeared to be hurt, but I simply dismissed it as something else.

"Uh, hey, S-Shuehi-kun? We, ah, should get Renji-kun over here, too." I said trying to think of a way to make the setting less... intimate. Shuhei looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. Our eyes locked and I say no humor in his black eyes. I ignored the curiosity to look at his three vertical scars and the blue stripe and '69' tattoos.

"I really that bad you gotta' have other people come over and be with us? It can't be just us two hangin' out?" Shuhei seemed to trail off with both his eyes and his thoughts. But than a moment later he jerked back and caught my eyes again. "I thought we could talk 'bout our frustrations and have a drink while we had a bit of freedom from work."

"Fru-frustrations?" I repeated, knowing he meant nothing personal or sexual by it. He and Tousen were along a friendship route while Ichimaru and I were along a more master and slave route.

"Yeah, like 'bout our Taicho's fucking betrayal! 'Bout all the duties forced on us! 'Bout all the fucking paperwork we gotta' fucking do! 'Bout ever - fucking - thing, dammit!" Shuhei was more just getting it off of his chest than yelling at me I noted and so I calmed myself so I wouldn't react negatively. Though I was feeling an urge to compete for some odd reason.

"Shu-kun..." I saw Shuhei was getting rather flustered with anger and probably a little bitterness as well. I pressed my lips and lowered my head. I was wanting to retort how Ichimaru had did a thousand fold to me compared to what Tousen had did to Shuhei. But I resisted, not wanting a fight to spark. That was the last thing I needed.

"Shit... Damn, man, I just don't know what to fucking think!" Shuhei was scratching at the back of his head. He looked as if he were trying to sort his thoughts out so I kept quiet and just waited. "I mean, I-I followed Tousen and believed in him as both a Taicho and a good person adn he goes and pulls this shit! I bet that Aizen twisted Tousen around his finger!"

"Shuhei-kun, please... settle down a bit," I pleaded softly when I realized his anger was mounting. In the back of my mind I vaguely thought that I was now glad it was just him and myself. When I tried to pat his arm to comfort him he jerked away. I frowned but pulled away.

"what did 'ya say?"

"Wha-what?" I looked up only to meet an intense look in Shuhei's face.

"You just said 'I don't have shit on you.' What the hell you sayin'?"

"I didn't..! I, um," My eyes slowly widen when I realized I had said what I was thinking when I had pulled away from Shuhei.

"Whaddya' mean by that, huh?" Shuhei's voice was getting hoarse and more street-like.

"I-I didn't mean anything! I just- the sake! I drank too much a-and..!"

"No way, you meant what you said, Izuru! Tell me what you meant!"

"I..." I paused and the silence dragged out for a minute as Shuhei waited for my reply. As punk and rebellious as he looked, he could actually be very calm and patient when he needed to be. I shut my eyes and spoke."Ichi... maru did-stuff! And T-Tousen was just a friend to you..! And... Ichimaru was..!" I knew I was babbling and making little sense. Shuhei tilted his head at me, questioning my words in silence. He narrowed his eyes when I glanced at him.

"Whaddya' mean 'Ichimaru did stuff'?"

"I-I didn't say it like, um, ah..!" I was beginning to regret even letting myself babble. Shuhei was smart. Too smart. I shouldn't have given a piece of the puzzle to a puzzle master.

"I-zu-ru! Answer me!" Shuhei was leaning in towards me almost undoing his crossed legs. The next time he spoke it was with a stern tone. "What. Did. Ichimaru. **Do**?"

I stiffened at his words unwillingly. My brows cringed and my eyes darted between my black hakama and the beige wood beneath me. Without noticing it Shuhei had gotten on his knees and was closer to me. He placed his left hand on my right shoulder. I went rigid. I tried to control my chaotic thoughts and sudden swarm of emotions.

_Why couldn't I keep myself calm now? I had kept Ichimaru's and my relationship a secret for years now. Why am I panicking? Oh, the sake! Of course, that's why!_- I thought franticly. I was trying to calm myself as quick as possible. But Shuhei questioned me again about what Ichimaru had done, breaking into my thoughts. I looked up at him, not into his eyes, just darting between his scars and tattoos on his cheeks. Shuhei was uncomfortably - or was that comfortably? - close to my face with his own. His eyes questioned without words but also beamed concern now. Than he gaped his mouth a small bit and widened his eyes. And than I realized why.

"Izuru-kun"

"I just-I..!" I felt the unwelcomed warmth of tears rollong down both my cheeks. My eyes jolted open and I fell back onto my left elbow trying to put space between us. My right hand worked to wipe away the tears. It was no good though. They just kept coming. My throat was dry and it was hard to speak."I... I'm so-ah-rry! So sorry!"

"Izuru-kun, what in all the gods' names did that malicious bastard do to you to make you like _this_?"

"I can't-hic-tell you! I... I don't..! I - I can't!" I stammered as I shook my head. Shuhei grabbed me by the shoulders and now stilling me to a sobbing mess. I was so deeply shamed and embarrassed I even felt my heart being clamped down with pain. I didn't want to have Shuhei see me like this. I didn't want him to see I really was nothing more than a 'bitch'.

"Shh, shhh..! It's fine. Ichimaru ain't here so he can't do shit to 'ya. You don't gotta' worry. Sh!" Shuhei's grip loosened and slid around me to form a tight hug. He rested his chin on top of my head. "It's cool, Izuru-kun."

"I-hic-I'm so pathetic..!"

"No, no! Ichimaru is the pathetic one, not you!"

"He..! He!" I couldn't believe myself. I was crying my eyes out into Shuhei's chest. I defended Ichimaru from Momo's attack after we found Aizen's 'body' and even when I had found out that Ichimaru really was a traitor I had stayed calm through it all. And now I was freaking out over it.

_Oh, gods, I protected Ichimaru! He beat me and I-I! And against Momo, too! _- I began to tremble at my inner thoughts and rocked in Shuhei's grasp. I had unconsciously buried my head into the base Shuhei's neck. I had gone beyond a sobbing mess, I was a weeping disaster!

"Shh, it'll be cool. Just get the cryin' out. Take your time, man. Shh..." Shuhei rocked with me trying to calm and comfort me. I grabbed his shoulders at the seams.

"I... With Ichimaru..! We..!" I was unable to finish off the sentence coherently. Every time I got close my voice gave out and more tears came. Shuhei hushed me some more and held me tight. Out of the blur of tears and lashes I watched the sky as it went from the remaining reds and purples and slowly gave way to the deep blue sky with little white glints and a half - moon. My crying was replaced by muffled gasps and whimpers as the rocking stopped. My hands moved closer to my face but stopped and grasped onto the soft collar of his black kimono top.

"You a 'lil better gettin' all that out?"

"Sorry, I'm sorry, so sorry..." I couldn't help it. I could think of nothing else to say. What _could_ I say that would lessen the shame and sting in my heart? So merely opted to apologize, praying deep down he did not hate me beneath his cool and collected exterior.

"It's all fine. I told you so, Izuru-kun. Just relax, a'right?" Shuhei was rubbing my back tenderly as he spoke. I nodded slightly to his words and snuggled closer to the warmth next to me..


	3. Night of Forgetting Chapter 2

**This chapter can be considered a bit sour in a couple of parts. **

**Not too bad, I suppose.**

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_**Chapter 2: The Initial Encounter**_

As Shuhei held me close I felt his warmth and my eyes dazed with the tenderness. Ichimaru had only been tender in the beginning. After a couple of decades he became cold, mockingly smiling as he sadisticly beat me and made me his toy. I tried to convince myself that it was just because he loved me and was acting out the old saying 'you hurt the ones you love the most,' but it wasn't. He never had such feelings for me. My mind slowly brought back the last night with Ichimaru. He had never let me rise above him before and that night he even let me take him and be the one to top. At the memories of topping for the first time, coupled with Shuhei's body and warmth, I realized too late that I had an erection. And to my horror struck mind I wasn't the only one to realize it.

Shuhei moved his left arm from my back to under my right arm, his hand finding its way to cup my erection through my black hakama. I unwillingly threw my head back and gasped when he tenderly groped at it. It was attention I physically strained for, but emotionally wanted to commit suicide over. The shame swelled in my gut again. I tried to push from Shuhei, but he moved in closer and grabbed the back of my head with his free hand, pushing me into a fierce kiss. His tongue forced it's way into my mouth and curled around my own, moving it with urgent demand. Shuhei pulled me closer and rubbed at the length under my hakama.

"Ooh, Sh-Shuhei!" I yelped out before I could stop myself. I quickly bit my lower lip and screwed my eyes shut. He would hate me for being so disgusting this time for sure. But he didn't stop stroking. He even started to kiss my neck, long kisses with small small nips. I opened my eyes half way to make sure no one was around. We were in the open and in front of the 3rd Division office entrance, no less. It may have been night now, but someone could still happen upon us. I could bare it, somewhat, but I didn't want for Shuhei to know about that pain. He was being kind and he did this out of pity and the need to try and comfort his friend. "Please, Shuhei, w-we're in the o-ooh-pening! I-I know you are just doing this cause you, ah, want to comfort me! I'm f-fine, really!"

Shuhei stopped his kisses but continued his groping. He slowly pulled me to look at him using my hair. Not forcefully and not painfully, just enough to make me follow. Our eyes locked and I saw the growing desire in his half-lidded stare. "You sure don't seem fine." With that Shuhei grabbed my cock harshly. I arched forward and moaned, helpless to his mocking touches. "Plus, I ain't comforting you. I wanna' try it. Bein' with a guy, I mean."

"Wh-what about Rangiku-kun?" _I get, he is just using me to see what a guy feels like compared to wanting a girl._

"Shit. Do you really think I am going to really be with her? She's just playin' my emotions constantly." Shuhei closed his eyes and cursed under his breath. He released his hold on my erection and than reached for the sake bottle. He slugged it till there was only about three inches left in it. I just watched, knowing he probably had to get himself more drunk to continue with me. I know I would if I were someone else. After he pulled the bottle away from his lips he shoved it into my chest. "Drink what's left, dammit. Than we're going to a bar over in 11th Squad, got it? It's in a hotel so we can stay the night."

I nodded as I took the bottle and downed what was left. Shuhei got up and grabbed the two drinking bowls than opened the door and tossed them randomly into the 3rd Division hall. I began to voice a complaint but he just grabbed the back of my head again kissing me. He pulled away, licking his lips and helping me to my feet. Shuhei grabbed the now empty bottle as we walked off and along the way down a dirt path we chucked some where. Neither of us could see where it landed, only a faint crashing sound determined it actually made contact with a surface of some type. _Hopefully no one's head. That's all we need._

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Sometime late Shuhei and I where about 3/4s on our way to the hotel/bar, already in the 11th Division. We decided to stick to the longer, mostly unused streets and dimly lit areas. More so people wouldn't talk, and more because we were keeping up our moods by kissing and occasionally groping. As we made our way up a small dirt road that was dimly lit by the half-moon and one small lamp post ahead of us Shuhei and I snuggled close and we moved in to kiss, eyes half-lidded and our walk slowing so we wouldn't fall.

"You two suurrre look comfy like that." The sudden voice cut between Shuhei and I like a ready zanpakuto. We jerked away from one another landing about a two feet apart. I jolted into my dutiful stance as Shuhei slowly looked around looking for who said that. I knew how to jump into 'character' thanks to being Ichimaru's fukutaicho and pet. Though I will be the first to admit I was already getting out of practice, it seemed. "Ooh, sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to interrupt 'ya two-ow!"

I looked ahead to the right off the path to see Ayasegawa Yumichika lying on the grass belly up elbow jabbing a cross legged, upright Madarame Ikkaku, whom was still grinning with laughter at us. I blushed and looked down, saying hello and bowed slightly in greeting. Shuhei said 'hey' and crossed his arms on his chest. Ayasegawa waved a cute little wave and sat up, holding his upper body on his elbows. I thought that it was funny he wasn't complaining about possibly getting grass stains or mussing his perfectly brushed hair. I stopped before I smirked, keeping it inside. "What are you two guys doing over here in 11th, hm?"

"Gettin' some sake over at the Cutting Crows bar." Shuhei's calm voice said something before I could. "Cheaper than over at the 3rd. We finally got ourselfs' some freedom after all the Aizen shit happened, you know?"

From the the raised eyebrow and wider grin Ikkaku gave I knew he knew that wasn't the whole truth, but Ayasegawa pushed him aside slightly as he used Ikkaku to get up from the grass, all in one fluid motion. He patted himself and wiped his hands lightly across his hakama. Than he strode over to Shuhei and I. "I was going to tell you about a bar further in, but it isn't cheap, really..." He paused and draged a look from Shuhei to myself, stopping to look me up and down."... and it doesn't have a hotel attached, either."

Shuhei just stood there eyeing Ayasegawa idly as I swallowed slightly, trying not to blush. _Why did he only look me over? He probably must be thinking I'm ugly. I know how he dislikes things that are ugly. _

"And you elbowed _me_ to leave them be?" Ikkaku spat out as he slowly came up from behind Ayasegawa. He meant it jokingly by the faint smile he cast at Ayasegawa. Than he looked Shuhei and I over as well. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Shuhei roll his with a smile attached, not even trying to hide it. Ikkaku laughed shortly and than scratched at his smooth jawline. "Well now, don't let 'lil ol' us keep you two. Don't wanna' hit the rush of young party-ready Shinigami. Dampen the mood, you know." That got him another, harder jab from Ayasegawa's right elbow. This time he scolded softly, though I could swear he flickered a look at me, too. _No, that was the sake, not you. _

"So what if me and Izuru-kun wanna' fuck? For all we know you both coulda' been wanting to fuck out on the grass just now, so you don't got no right to say shit," I couldn't believe what I was hearing from Shuhei. Did he admit what we were doing?

"Relax, relax!" Ayasegawa was waving his petite hand up and down smoothly as if he didn't care that Shuhei just said all that. "And by the way, no, we wern't. Ikkaku and I are not dating, regardless of rumors. Plus NO ONE would EVER screw my ass anywhere other than a soft bed, in a warm room with comfy sheets. Got it?"

I smiled and knew I was blushing at that point. I couldn't help but just look down at the dirt. Shuhei shrugged and smiled. Ikkaku and whacked Ayasegawa on the shoulder and Ayasegawa complained about getting his sleeve wrinkled by that. Ikkaku wasn't so friendly looking and Ayasegawa just giggled. I briefly wondered why he was upset, but Shuhei tugged at my sleeve and inclined his head for us to take off. I bowed and said good bye to the two, whom where, by then, consumed in arguing through whispers. They didn't even notice when Shuhei and I continued on using shunpo.


	4. Night of Forgetting Chapter 3

**This chapter is graphic, f.y.i. A bit sourish, too.**

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_**Chapter 3:**_

_Forgetting_

As I rented us a room at the front desk Shuhei was getting some sake for us so we wouldn't be too out-of-place. On Shuhei's way back I heard one the guys ask why we didn't hang out and drink in the bar. Shuhei said we had been working non stop and we wanted to some where quiet. Which in itself wasn't a lie. We had been working an awful lot and I would prefer a cozy room to a rowdy bar. Shuhei came up to my right side as the desk clerk handed me a small silver key with a plastic little tag with '5' etched in it. He raised his hand to the staircase to our left and said it was the third one to our left upstairs. Shuhei and I thanked him than went up the stairs. As we walked down the narrow hall to our room Shuhei leaned in and whispered how Ayasegawa and Ikkaku are probably having hot make up sex right now. I laughed before I could contain it, thinking of Ayasegawa on the grass getting dirty after all he said about needing a bed and what not.

_No, he'd probably top just so he wouldn't have to be on the dirt and grass. Wait, why am I thinking about him? Oh. Right. It's too funny not to.- _I thought to myself as Shuhei and I walked into the room. I felt for the light switch and than turned it on after I found it. It was about the size of a master bedroom and had a twin size bed in the far left hand corner. There was a large window above the side of the bed and it was covered with white curtains. The bed had crisp white sheets smoothed out under and thick white comforter folded half way. Shuhei had two sake bottles and set them next to a flower vase on a small stand on the wall opposite the bed. I turned and looked the right side of the room over. A small sink, fridge and a tiny table set probably meant for no more than two. I smiled at the odd picture on the wall. It must have been one of those abstract pieces, but I was too buzzed to take any more interest than that. Next thing I knew Shuhei had taken my left wrist and yanked me into a deep kiss. His tongue pushed it's way into my mouth again, tugging mine into his and than back and forth, tasting me thoroughly. I moaned softly and Shuhei replied with a more throaty one, pulling me closer with a caress.

Shuehei pulled away and inclined his head towards the bed and pressed me that way. I obeyed and went and sat on the bed as he turned and closed the door. I blushed when I realized someone could have seen. Than Shuhei strode up to where I was, standing just in front of my knees. I looked up and smiled and felt the heat of more blush. Shuhei was darkened from the light behind him and I could barely make out the scars and tattoos. He leaned down and kissed my forehead tenderly. Than my nose. Than my top lip. Than he licked across my lips and I opened then with my own need. He plunged his tongue in and captured my lips with his own. He massaged my lips with his and his tongue danced in my mouth. He pressed against me and I slowly slid back onto the soft sheets and inviting bed. He braced himself on his forearms as I cupped his face with my hands, softly rubbing my thumbs on his sharp jawline. After a minute Shuhei pulled away.

"Are 'ya mad I said some thing to those two?" breathed out Shuhei whom pinned me with his deep black eyes.

"No... More confused honestly," I was wondering why he was bringing that up. He kissed my lips and pulled away again, me trailing after him about an inch.

"Why were you confused? We're going to fuck." He kissed me again, this time I held his face close after stopped. Our lips were just touching as he spoke again. "You know we are attempting to fuck, right? Like, dick-in-ass fuck?"

"Shu-Shuhei!" His bluntness of the situation made me redder than a cherry. I closed my eyes tight and nodded franticly. I heard him laugh and than felt warm hands and fingers spreading over my chest, under the black kimono top. A shiver ran up my spine and I arched up towards the warmth. Than I felt a warm-wet feeling on my left nipple. I open my eyes and looked down to see Shuhei sucking my left nipple and than after I moaned he started to softly twist my right nipple with his free hand. I laid my head back and held onto his shoulders. I tried to keep my moans and whimpers to a minimal but not all could be stopped as he ground his hip into mine, rubbing my growing erection on the side. He moved his free hand down to my waist and squeezed my hip bone softly before continuing to my sash. Slowly he untied my white sash and loosened my hakama. Than he pulled me up and I shrugged off the top he was pulling down. He threw it to the floor and than did the same to his own top. I couldn't resist running my fingers across his muscles and each rib. He just hovered over me, letting me explore him. He kissed my temple and continued down to my neck, taking care to nip and lick. I got more daring and slipped my hands just below the line of his hakama pants, feeling the soft curls below his navel. He groaned what I took to be an approval and continued down. I felt the heat of his erection and slowly wrapped my right hand fingers around it and stroked. Shuhei moaned and bit into the tender flesh of my neck and I moaned back at him.

"Mm, stroke faster, babe." Shuhei's voice was thick with desire and I obeyed, taking his sac into my free hand. I pressed into his sac with my thumb and he groaned deep in his throat and pressed himself against me. Shuhei leaned down and moved his arms around my back, holding me to him. I moaned aloud when he thrust himself into my hands, biting my collarbone as well.

"Shuhei, s-so warm. So soft yet.. so hard." I wasn't even sure what came out of my mouth at that point, desire and sake laced my thoughts. Shuhei suddenly pulled me up further on the bad and back away, taking my hands from his pants. He smiled at me so I relaxed as he walked over and grabbed one of the sake bottles and than turned off the light, leaving us in the dim light of the moon through the curtains. He opened the bottle as he walked back over and took a big swig of it. He than handed it to me and I did the same. He took it from my hand and took another, longer swig. I giggled at his search for where to put the bottle. He settled on placing it on the ground at the foot of the bed. I got a bit more bold and pulled him to face me as soon as he put it down. He smiled a feral smile and than attacked me with his weight and mouth. He laid on me as we kissed more urgently. I felt his hands on my waist and than all of a sudden he pulled away, yanking off my hakama. He laughed when I blushed and moved closer and kissed me again. His hands felt around my chest, than to my stomach, than to my navel. He played with my navel a little and made me giggle into his mouth as we kissed. Shuhei just smiled more and moved his hands down further. He started to move his head down as well, kissing random places over my chest and stomach. I suddenly felt the erotic feel of his rough hand on my cock and I thrusted up into his warm hand. He started to kiss the head of my cock as I moaned whimpers of pleasure.

"What the-" Shuhei bolted up and than swung the curtains open, enveloping us in the half-moons glow. I was worried but than it hit through the drunken haze. He saw my scars Ichimaru had given to me. I sat forward and apologized but he sighed as he closed his eyes. He scratched the back of his head and cursed under his breath. I looked down and started to pull my legs up to cover myself and my shame. "No, baby. Don't. Come here, I'm not pissed at 'ya. Just that fucking sadist. Sh."

"I'm sorry. I sh-should have told you." I closed my eyes tight when I felt Shuhei's hand and than didn't feel it, knowing it had disappeared onto the layers of scars on my inner thighs. They were thick, layered and stretched from just below my sac to just above my knees, all long and narrow from the various toys Ichimaru enjoyed using. Shuhei kissed my lips tenderly and than moved down to my cock, licking the head of it. I laid back as he took my entire length into his mouth in one gulp. He moved his head up and down caressing and kneading my cock with his teeth and tongue. I helplessly grabbed his hair with my fists and bucked up slightly as I let a moan slip past my lips. He grabbed my hips with his hands and held me still, stroking my flesh softly with his thumbs. I trembled under his thorough mouth and stifled a groan from my throat. Than he pulled up and let my cock out of his mouth as he took it into his right hand, stroking quickly. "I..! P-Please! Shuhei, please!"

"'Please' what, baby doll? Gotta' let me know otherwise I can't give it right."

"In... Please, Shuhei..!" I moaned and than thought of the simplest demand to get it through. "Fuck me."

"Your wish is my demand, tootse." Shuhei stopped stroking me and moved to his knees and licked his right fingers. Slowly he probed at the flesh of my entrance. I only felt half of what I should, but enjoyed it none the less. Finally he penetrated with his index finger, pushing it in as far it would go. I arched up and moaned, squeezing the bed sheets at my sides. He slowly pulled it half way out, and than quickly forced it all the way in again. He kept it up and than added another finger getting a gasp out of me. She suddenly pushed up in me and hit the sensitive spot. I raised my hips and moaned in approval to his actions. He pulled his fingers out and moved in closer, grabbing at my sides with his hands. "I can't wait any longer, sweety."

With that he aligned himself and nudged at my opening with his warm cock. Than he thrust in hard, making me choke out a pleasing gasp. He pulled out slowly and than thrust again. He repeated until he got in rhythm. To aid in the pleasure I would push my hips to meet his thrusts, making him go deeper. In my drunken pleased state I reached up and grabbed Shuhei's hair tight. He grunted at the abuse but I just yanked him closer and he followed willingly. I kissed him hastily and he leaned in, still pumping me. I bit into his lower lip making him groan and than I licked it. He smiled a rough smile and than bit my left ear lobe and tugged on it as he thrust up into me.

"Oh, gods..! So fucking hot!"

"Shit, babe. You're... hot when 'ya... cuss." Shuehi leaned in and took my lips. This time I forced my tongue in and we fought for dominance. In the heat of the moment I pinched his nipple. He yelped and than I forced him into a kiss. I dominated that time, pushing in my tongue and tasting the cinammon spice and sake. Than he pounded into me fiercely making me break the kiss in favor of a loud moan. He chuckled and I bit his lower lip again. He scolded in a manner that made me giggle again._ I suppose I giggle a lot when I'm drunk-_I vaguely thought until I felt the pleasure pooling in my groin. I wrapped my arms around Shuhei's neck and held tight as my body trembled.

"I... I'm going to c-cum!"

"Go ahead baby, I ain't stopping you." With the unneeded consent I threw my head back moaning as I felt the white seed spread between our warm sliding bodies. Shuhei continued to pound into me for a few minutes more before he groaned deep and I felt his own seep empty into myself. Shuhei lingered over me as I kissed his moist shoulders and neck. Finally he pulled out regardless of my whimpering protests and laid down on my right side on his back. I snuggled up to him and he held me close with his arm and kissed my cheek. "And think, that was only round one, babe."


	5. Night of Failure Chapter 1

**This is a sequel to The Night of Forgetting.**

**Also, this is back in third person.**

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**The Night of Failure**

by tangibleHELL

**Chapter 1:**

Aftershock

Kira woke up nuzzled against a warm, soft pillow the next morning. So warm he couldn't help but snuggle up more to it and smile. But before he completely settled his fuzzy memories of the night before slammed into his head, nearly cracking his skull as he realized the soft pillow was in fact a very solid body that belonged to one Hisagi Shuhei- the man who had fucked Kira nearly 5 times. Kira's eyes bolted open and his cheeks turned red as a cherry. He darted up and sat staring at Hisagi's naked form beneath him. Than all too slowly he realized he, too, was stark naked. He jerked the blanket at his side and threw it over himself as he inched away so he wouldn't wake up Hisagi. When he went to edge of the bed it creak mockingly at him and he froze. He stared breathless at Hisagi waiting for him to wake up. But he didn't. He just moaned a little and tangled himself in the sheets at his side. Kira got up and in the morning sun's light he found his clothes and quickly put them on in the small bathroom. He tried to use his fingers to calm his sex-ravaged hair, but it still looked horridly mussed. As did his clothes, since they had been thrown so carelessly aside like they were.

When Kira slipped out the door Hisagi was still fast asleep, half-covered by the rumpled white sheets which were sure to have visible stains by sunlight. As Kira walked down the he tried o look as dignified as possible. When he had waken, fully sober, he realized what a horrid and shameful thing he had allowed to happen. He wanted to get out of there before Hisagi could wake up. Kira was unsure how to deal with his own thoughts, let alone think what to say to Hisagi after all that. Kira quickly went down the stairs, but still tried his best to remain quiet and unnoticed. It was 5:30 a.m. and now the bar that once held a rowdy bunch of 11th Division shinigami was quiet accept for some soft chattering from early risers wanting a meal or some where other than their rooms to go. As Kira passed by and made for the door across from the stairs he caught a pink kimono and briefly glanced as he thought why a woman was here in a 11th Division bar/hotel. His eyes widened slightly when he realized it was no woman, but none other than Kyoraku-taicho. He quickly turned back to the door and went to open it.

_'He goes to bars to drink, that's all. It's not my business why he's here.'_ But something in the back of his mind digging at him telling him that it was. He inwardly shook the thought off as he turned the handle and opened the door slowly. Suddenly he froze. Did he just here that right? Did someone just call his name? Frantic thoughts told him it was Hisagi so he quickly went to leave, only to be stopped by a hand on his left shoulder. Kira winced, not because it was forceful, but because he was waiting to get aggressive questions thrown at him by Hisagi. Only... they didn't come.

"Geez, kid. You act like I'm going to beat you or something."

"What..?" Kira turned to look at the calm voice. It was Kyoraku who had stopped him. Not Hisagi. Still, it was still bad for anyone to have stopped him. He wanted to get far, far away and not think of this ever again. Kira slowly looked up at the waiting Taicho as he tried to appear calm. Kyoraku was standing roughly two feet from himself as Kyoraku pulled his hand away. His expression wasn't damning or cruel. Just his usual laid back, calm and collected expression with a hint of a smile.

"You know I called after you, right? That's kind of rude to ignore anyone, especially a Taicho."

"I-I know, Sir. I'm ver-very sorry! I thought you were, um... s-someone else. Sorry!" With that Kira bowed deeply and formally, with his hands at his sides. To his embarrassment he heard Kyoraku chuckle and he twisted his eyes shut further. _'He must think I'm a fool. I hate stuttering, but I can't help it, dammit!'_

Kira suddenly opened his eyes with the added weight of Kyoraku's arm patting his shoulder. Kyoraku gestured Kira to stand and he did so, though he kept formal. "Come on! Relax a little. It's early so why don't we get some breakfast over at the bar, eh?"

"No." Kira started a bit when he realized he had said that so definitely. Kira started to back up towards the door as he shook his head. "I... I'm sorry! I-I just- I have t-to go! I can't stay here!"

"Than if we go to another place, will you eat and talk with me?"

"Ta-talk with you..?" Kira was worried about defying a Taicho more, but at the same time he was scared to 'talk' with him. And what was there to talk about anyway? Kyoraku glanced about before venturing closer and slightly leaning towards Kira.

"I was curious about the girl Hisai-fukutaicho was taking out so I followed him. Didn't think it'd turn out to be another guy. Though somehow it wasn't totally unexpected when he went in the 3rd Squad office. " Kira's eyes bolted as his memory flooded in. He remembered how Hisagi had said he got the bottle of sake from Kyoraku by telling him it was for a date!

_'Oh, no! Kyoraku thinks Shuhei-kun and I are dating! No, no, no-no!'_- Kira mentally beat himself to pulp as he stared at Kyoraku with wide eyes and cringed brows. His mouth gaped a bit and he just shook his head slightly as he backed up more. "No, Shu-Shuhei and I a-are j-just, uh, I ha-have to go!"

No chance to. Kyoraku grabbed Kira again, this time more tightly. Kira just stood with his shoulders raised in terror as he screwed his eyes shut in an attempt to detach himself from his shameful situation. "Look, kid-" Kyoraku quieted as a couple of shinigami went past them to go up the stairs. "C'mon, lets go out and get something nice to eat. 'Kay?" Kyoraku didn't wait for an answer as he gently ushered Kira out the door. Kira obeyed, feeling more trapped than any mouse any cat could ever corner.


	6. Night of Failure Chapter 2

I thank all of you whom read The Night series and I hope you enjoy it.

It'll get a bit sour for a few chapters after this but it will get better later on.

And I also give extra thanks to those whom comment/review.

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**Chapter 2:**

It's Okay

As Kira tried to sit comfortably in front of Kyoraku as they waited for their food to arrive he found he wanted to cry. Not only did the Taicho assume Hisagi and Kira where dating, he wants to 'talk' to Kira about it! Kira was beyond shamed and embarrassed. He was ready to just to end his own life to avoid the ridicule and shame all the others would inflict on him. Kyoraku wasn't pushing Kira luckily. They had been quiet since they left the hotel and came to the small ma and pa restaurant that offered much privacy. Kyoraku got them a table far off in the back, away from the others and the waitress didn't ask any questions about why he did or why Kira looked so miserable. She just politely took the two's orders which Kyoraku gave since Kira wasn't about to talk any time soon it seemed. She walked away but returned a few minutes later with a large bottle of sake and two red drinking bowls. Kyoraku thanked her and smiled as he cheerfully poured himself and Kira a drink. He placed Kira's in front of him and started to drink his. After a few minutes of silence Kira finally mumbled something from his lowered head. Kyoraku stopped gawking at a group of ladies and looked down at him, fully intent to listen.

"Hey-C'mon, give me a break here. I can't hear you if you talk so softly, kid." Kira raised his head slightly at that, but still looked away from Kyoraku.

"I c-could have ordered fo-for myself... s-sir..." Kira stuttered out as his fingers squirmed on each other in his lap. Kyoraku chuckled a little making Kira unconsciously shrink back into his seat.

"Well you should've spoken up than. You don't like tamagoyaki*? It's really good here, and they make it big enough to fill you."

"N-no, I d-do like it, Si-Sir." Kira glanced a look at Kyoraku and inclined his head while he faintly smiled. But before Kyoraku could even really take in the smile it was gone and Kira looked away again as he started to fidget his fingers once more. "Um, it's ju-just, well, y-you ordered s-sake for m-me, too."

"Hmm? But you drink it right? I saw you drinking it with Hisagi-fukutaicho yesterday outside the office. Didn't I?" Kira froze and stared up at Kyoraku. Kira remember how he was crying and telling Hisagi things when they were drinking.

_'He knows than! He must have heard! No, no, no! What do I do? What do I do?! He'll tell what a coward and bitch I am! Oh, no! No, no..!_- Kira was panicking and it slowly began to show in his eyes and face. Kyoraku must have saw this because he set down his drinking bowl and leaned forward with a more concerned, yet serious look.

"Yes. I heard what you said about Ichimaru. That's why I stayed at the hotel and waited to talk to you. You need to talk to someone, Kira-fukutaicho. It's not healthy if you keep it bottled up."

"I ha-have Shuhei-kun t-to talk wi-with! I don't need oth-"

"It's not healthy to drink and fuck your problems away either!" Kyoraku was leaning in close as he quietly spat that out at Kira. Kira creased his brows slightly and lowered his eyes to the table. He knew Kyoraku was right and it made him feel the earlier shame and disgust towards himself all over again. His fingers were no longer fidgeting. They were pressed against his hands, making them go white with his effort. Kyoraku realized he was only making Kira more reluctant to open up so he eased off and sat back and started drinking sake from his small bowl again. Kyoraku tried to give Kira time to sort his thoughts, so he started to watch the small group of pretty shinigami students chatting a few tables away. Though he was more or less just starring into space trying to figure out what he was going to do in order to get Kira to trust him enough to talk. He briefly thought he should take the youth over to Ukitake Jushiro's and the three of them talk, but he threw it out recognizing that Kira would feel even more cornered and become resentful if any more people found out. After a while the happy waitress trotted up and placed two large plates with a huge rolled omelette on each one on the table. One went in front of Kyoraku and the other in front of Kira. She than pulled out two pairs of delicate hashi* from her small apron around her waist and placed one on each side.

"Thanks a lot."

"Th-thank you, miss."

"Oh! Could you get some hot herbal tea for my friend here? I was rude cause I was hungry and didn't ask if he liked sake or not." Kyoraku chuckled warmly and the girl giggled and agreed to before she turned and went. Kira had looked up at Kyoraku briefly but was turned away again.

"Y-you didn't have t-to do that, Sir." Kyoraku looked over at Kira before turning to watch the girls get up from there table and shuffle out as they laughed and giggled. His face lost it's humor after he and Kira were finally alone in the back.

"People like them are always able to put on that innocent look and happy smile because they've never had to go through any hardships. At least not like you or myself. To them, the hardest thing is whether or not they're going to graduate from the academy right now, let alone which Squad to enter if they do. They don't have to worry about washing the blood stains off their hands or dealing with pride and shame and the situations that draw on them. We do. You did." Kyoraku glanced his eyes over to get a glimpse of what Kira was doing without moving his head. Kira had his eyes focused on watching his fingers rub his hands raw as he listened. Kyoraku knew he was listening. Kira was upset, not disrespectful. "Hisagi-fukutaicho was right when he said it that that rat Ichimaru was the one who is pathetic. You're not. You should be proud of yourself that you kept up such a well balanced facade for as long as you did. But you do realize that if you had something sooner, we might've actually caught Aizen and the others, right?"

"I... I-I never th-thought that he w-was going to get that way!" Kira jerked his head up and met Kyoraku's stare, but than he slowly lowered is eyes slightly. "He... was r-really sweet a-at first! He wo-would take me out an-and buy me s-such nice gifts. He would b-be gentle i-in bed, too..!" Kira lowered his head and closed his eyes before he continued. "Th-than he.. h-he started to g-get mad a-all of a sudden... H-he would s-say that i-it was my fault..." Kira jerked his head up again and locked eyes with Kyoraku again. "But I n-never understood wh-what for! I-I never..! I-I didn't kn-know what t-to do! He would be so l-loving one min-minute and so me-mean the ne-next!" Kira's brows were pushed up and together and his eyes where watering with the sting of fresh tears.

Kyoraku shifted in his seat as he scratched at the stubble at his chin. He looked at Kira as Kira slowly lowered and rounded his shoulders with a look of self disgust forming on his face. Kira wasn't looking at Kyoraku as he searched for the anser in the steaming hot omelette in front of himself. Kyoraku finally sighed and picked up his hasi and started to pick at his omelette. He took a big chunk and put it into his mouth and than began to chew. He swallowed and than looked at Kira. "C'mon, kid. Eat up. You need your breakfast to have strength the rest of the day."

"Ye-yes, Taicho." Kira obeyed with an almost robotic sense as he lifted his right hand and took the hashi in between his fingers and took a petite amount of egg and placed it into his mouth and than closed and chewed. Kyoraku just continued eating, observing Kira's stiff actions. After about ten minutes or so Kyoraku was nearly finished with his as Kira was only a quarter way through his. Kira was more prone to poke and lift the edges of the tamagoyaki like a child moping he didn't get his way. Though his face was drained and virtually blank of all emotions, which bothered Kyoraku slightly. He wanted to know what Kira was thinking, but at the same time didn't want to push him away when he had just started to speak up about his horrific affair with Ichimaru. Kyoraku finished off his omelette and pushed the large ceramic plate and the hashi to the edge of the table to be picked up. When he settled back he noticed Kira had given him a glance and than his plate. "Uh... T-Taicho..?"

"Go ahead and take your time. On both your food and your thoughts. We can stay here till dark to talk and eat." Kyoraku cracked a smile and laughed a little. "I don't mind. I got sake, food, money and cute waitresses to stare at. So don't hesitate. I was thinking of ordering something else anyway. I wanted to try their anpan* anyway."

"Ok, Si-Sir." Kira tugged a faded smile onto the corner of his mouth and bowed his head slightly before he continued to eat more loosely.

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*Anpan=Japanese bun with red bean paste.(1)

*Tamagoyaki=Japanese breakfast. Large rolled omelette with condiments.(2)

*Hashi=Japanese term for chopsticks.

(1), (2)


	7. Night of Failure Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

The Second Encounter

Later that day Kira was working on some official documents at his desk when a Hell Butterfly fluttered in through the open window. It danced its way up to Kira and and landed briefly on his shoulder. Kira started a bit at the small, black and pink tipped butterfly but than settled to listen to the message.

_:Kira-fukutaicho, please come to the 4th Division when you are finished with your work, I would like to be able to speak with you about the shinten you requested.:_

"Unohana-taicho..?" The butterfly fluttered and danced back out the window as Kira was left to think it over. He would go of course, since it was him that asked for the shinten supply for the next few months instead of only one month. But it sort of bothered him at the same time. He was worried that Unohana Retsu would tell him that he couldn't get that much or that he couldn't get any at all for being presumptuous in the manner. He sighed and closed his eyes at the last two long and hard days he had thus far. First he and Hisagi had gotten drunk and had sex, than he woke up and abdoned Hisagi only to be taken by Kyoraku and pretty much cornered into telling all about Ichimaru and what he had did to him, though Kyoraku was kind enough to let him take his time and buy him food and tea, and than he had to rush back to his office to try and finish all the documents that piled up in the morning and now Unohana wanted to talk to him about the excess amount of shinten he requested. Kira had picked up his pen but held it over the document, not really able to concentrate. Kira slowly focused on the pen. It was a European pale, baby blue fountain pen that had silver tip which held in the pure black ink that came out smooth enough when he used it. Than Kira gave the pen a bitter look. It had been a birthday present from Ichimaru and he remembered how sweetly Ichimaru had been when he gave it to him while Kira was working on some files that day. It had had a thin, pale yellow ribbon tied into a near perfect bow at the top and a little pink heart tag attached that told him that Ichimaru...

"The lying bastard!" Kira yelled out as he flung the pen across the office, hitting the wall opposite himself. It hit the wall with a sharp **twak** sound. Kira screwed his eyes shut and pounded his hands down on his desk hard enough to make the documents and files jump and flutter about. Kira breathed in and out harshly for a minute as he tried to calm himself.

"Wow! Izurun is _really_ mad!"

"What?" Kira jerked his head up to meet a smiling pink-haired child lying across his desk with her head propped up on her hands. He flew back against his chair out of shock. He hadn't even noticed she was there until she spoke. "Ah! Ya-Yachiru-fukutaicho! What a-are you doing in he-here?"

"She wanted to tag along with me." Kira looked up at the door. Ayasegawa was standing there with a small purple pouch tied together with a bright blue bow cradled in his hands delicately. "Is this a bad time..? I... I could come back, you know."

"Wha..? No! I'm fine-really! Please, come in!" Kira stood up and politely waved Ayasegawa in. Ayasegawa strode in with that proud smile of his. Kira bowed slightly and than motioned Ayasegawa to sit in the chair in front of his desk. Ayasegawa did as he after he picked Yachiru off the desk top and put her on the floor. She pouted and gave a dirty look but the two men just ignored her. "Sorry, I was just recalling unpleasant memories of Ich... someone. Anyway, why are you here, Ayasegawa-san?"

"Oh, uh-here!" Ayasegawa shoved the small pouch out in front of himself for Kira to take. Kira titled his head and raised his eyebrows just slightly but took the small pouch none-the-less. "It's just some chocolates, but I like them a lot so I thought you would, too. Well, I mean, uh-"

"Peacock thinks your cute, Izurun!" Yachiru piped up before Ayasegawa could finish. Ayasegawa did not approve of that at all though. He looked like he was ready to commit murder as he flew forward to catch his Fukutaicho. But she ran to the window and stuck her tongue out before jumping out. Kira just sat there, blushing, as he slowly brought the little purple pouch to himself. Ayasegawa stomped back over and flopped down, fuming.

"It isn't that you're 'cute'! I just bought too many and thought you'd like some. And I didn't think I should feed too many to that damn brat! Look how hyper she is without them! _Hmph_!" Ayasegawa was rather adorable right than, Kira thought, as he pouted with tight lips and held his chin up and his eyes were closed while his eyebrows frowned down slightly and his cheeks...

"...you're blushing..." Kira stated softly. Ayasegawa's eyes bolted open and he sat forward as he waved his hands.

"Am not! I'm just pissed at Fukutaicho! That's all! Got it?!"

"Heehehe, yeah... I get it. Mad-at your fuktaicho. Not blushing 'cause you think I'm cute." Kira was smiling, genuinely smiling, at Ayasegawa. He stopped and watched the pale blonde man as he slowly took on of the ribbon tails and tugged it till it slowly unraveled and the top loosened open. Kira reached inside and pulled out a small, bite-size milk chocolate with orange stripes across the top. He took it into his mouth and quietly moaned to himself at the taste. All the while Ayasegawa just stared with eyes and mouth open as his cheeks took on deeper shades of red until a shiver ran up his spine when Kira moaned. "Mmm... They are good, huh? I haven't had chocolate like this since I was young."

"Really..? You like it? I can give you more if you want!"

"Huh? No, no! It'sfine, Ayasegawa-san! I really do like them though. I just don't eat sweets all the time, so these will last me awhile. Thank you for the thought."

"Please, call me Yamichika, Kira-fukutaicho." Ayasegawa beamed at Kira with a bright smile.

"Ok, but call me Izuru than." Kira placed the pouch on his desk carefully before getting up and walking around his desk to where Ayasegawa was to bow politely and show his thanks. Ayasegawa stood up and suddenly hugged Kira, taking the blond by surprise. But as not to offend, Kira hugged back. He liked the warmth and friendliness Ayasegawa offered. It was different from Hisagi's hugs the night before. These were soft and full of life and Hisagi's were... just hot and lustful. Kira closed his eyes and rested his head on Ayasegawa's shoulder. Ayasegawa only smiled and caressed tighter at Kira's acceptance. He wanted to hold the Fukutaicho for the rest of their lives even if Kira didn't. He had had a crush on Kira for a while but never thought to ask or get close to him in the past. Every time he saw him Ikkaku bashed him for not saying anything or saying something that made Kira uncomfortable. Last night he even made him and Hisagi run away, thanks to his bickering with Ikkaku, who was telling him to interfere with the date and ask for him and Ikkaku to join.

"Izuru-sama?"

"Just -san is fine, Yamichika-san."

"Ah, yeah, Izuru-san. Um, " Ayasegawa pulled away from Kira and looked him in the eyes. Kira slowly started to blush at the relentless eyes peering into his own for so long. "Would... uh, you like to go out some time..?"

"G-go out?" Kira pulled his arms from around Ayasegawa and turned cherry red. Ayasegawa quickly corrected himself.

"With Ikkaku, too! Like us, going out and drinking. Having fun, you know? The guys at the 11th are all meat-heads and jerks, so Ikkaku and I like to have other people to hang out with." Ayasegawa licked and than bit his lower lip and looked at Kira through thick black lashes. Kira smiled and nodded.

"I'd like that. I'm not sure about tonight though. I have a meeting with Unohana-taicho. But definitely soon. I'd like that."

"That's great! Oh, uh, I'll let Ikkaku know, too! I'll go so you can finish your work. Sorry to have interrupted without an appointment." Ayasegawa started to walk away, still looking at Kira. Kira shook his head but smiled.

"No, it really helped a lot. I was upset, but you helped me to relax again, Yamichika-san. Thank you. And for the chocolates, too. Bye." Kira waved a little and than bowed slightly. Ayasegawa waved as he energeticly turned and jogged out.

_'He's so funny sometimes...'_- Kira thought as he shook his head looking at where Ayasegawa was a moment before. Kira than turned and looked at his desk, now covered with scattered papers and folders. He sighed and frowned at the sight. He looked up and scratched the back of his head as he thought briefly before turning and walking to the door. _'Mise well just go and see what Unohana-taicho wants with me since I'm in a better mood.'_


	8. Night of Failure Chapter 4

**The bitter/sourness begins. ;_;**

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**Chapter 4:**

**Damage Report**

When Kira reached the main building he walked in and politely asked Isane Kotetsu to let Unohana know he was available to speak with her now. For some reason Isane gave Kira a slightly forlorn smile but bowed and went to get her Taicho. Kira occasionally would incline his head or say 'hello' to someone as they walked by and happily greeted him as they passed. After a few minutes Isane came back and bowed slightly to Kira before standing straight and speaking.

"Unohana-taicho is ready to speak with you. She is in a room and would like for you to accompany her in there in order to speak. She is with Yamamoto-sotaicho so she wishes not to be rude and leave him alone."

"It's ok. I'll follow you than." Kira was relieved that Yamamoto was there. That would mean that he wouldn't get scolded most likely, and Unohana sounded like she was in a good mood to Kira, so he simply assumed she just wanted to verify that he had in fact ordered more shinten this time. Isane gave another sad smile with her brows pinching together slightly this time, but she just bowed her head and started to lead Kira to where Unohana was. Isane was quiet the whole time she lead Kira down the halls to a room that seemed to be just another patient room. Isane stopped and turned to Kira who also stopped.

"This is the room, Kira-fukutaicho." With having said that she turned and knocked twice on the door. "Kira-fukutaicho is here, Taicho."

"Thank you. You may leave Isane-san." Unohana's sweet voice was slightly muffled through the wooden shoji door. Isane turned and bowed before walking off. Kira watched her for a moment and than turned to the door at Unohana's voice through the door. "Kira-san, please, come in."

Kira stood straight and slid the shoji door aside. The room seemed vast due to how empty it was. All that was in there was the bed, Unohana and Yamamoto. Unohana bowed slightly and Kira responded and bowed deeper. She motioned him to sit on the bed with her delicate hand. Something began to eat away at Kira. This was far too intimate to have to do with shinten orders. Kira swallowed and than went and sat on the bed. To his left Unohana sat next to him as Yamamoto remained standing a few feet away to his right. Kira was becoming increasingly worried about the situation. He began to wonder if he was being investigated for treason since Ichimaru, his former Taicho, had betrayed them. But Unohana was being very kind and Yamamoto didn't seem mad or vicious in any particular way. In fact Kira noticed he seemed oddly sad, or perhaps disappointed. Kira licked his lower lip and than bit it lightly as his eyes found there way to Unohana's lap as she softly touched his shoulder. After a few moments of silence, Unohana finally spoke up in a quiet voice.

"Kira-san... Recently it was brought to Yamamoto- Sotaicho's and my attention that Ichimaru... hurt you. Badly." Kira jerked his eyes up to Unohana as his eyebrows creased. He fisted his hands and quickly looked down, starring at the smooth floor. Unohana looked at Yamamoto whom also noted Kira's reaction. He inclined his head to Unohana and she closed her eyes sighed. "Kira-san... Please, if he did hurt you, it isn't your fault. Please, tell us the truth. We would like to help you to recover any means possible, whether it's wounds, scars, or just someone to talk to about it." She paused for Kira to respond but he did no such thing. His face only became more and more blank and distant with every word Unohana said. His heart was beating so harshly he wondered if the two would hear it themselves. He slowly pulled his balled up fists to his lap as his shoulders were beginning to curve over with such shame and disgust for himself. Unohana began to slowly move her hand from Kira's shoulder to softly rub his back. Kira flinched but didn't move from the touch. "Kira-san..? Kira?"

"He... he never did any-anything to me..."

"Please, Kira-san. Do not lie to us. We only wish to help you."

"And I said he didn't do anything!" Kira spat out as he closed his eyes. His breathing was quickened and he sat as straight as he could. His thoughts were spinning and becoming more and more chaotic. Unohana moved closer but that only seemed to push Kira further away as he leaned aside from her. She stopped trying to get near and pulled back.

"Kira Izuru. We are trying to help you. Do not dare to show us disrespect." Ymamoto's voice jerked Kira's face up to meet his leering eyes. But as soon as he had Kira's attention his stare softened and his voice was more fair. "We are not condemning you. We have been informed that Ichimaru beat you and may have done other things. Tell us so we can help you through this." But Kira said nothing, he only gaped his mouth and slowly shook his head. His eyebrows raised and creased before he spoke.

"Ichimaru... he..." Kira lowered his head and closed his eyes and made his voice more stern. "He was n-nothing more than my Taicho. Who ever told you this was wasting your time, S-Sir."

_'Kyoraku-taicho..! It has to be Kyoraku! I bet he only talked to me so he could tell all the other captains! The son a bitch..!'_- Kira's thoughts reflected on the morning and how Kyoraku had taken him out for breakfast to talk to him about Ichimaru. Kira felt cornered at first, but began to trust Kyoraku so he had told him about him and Ichimaru and how Hisagi and him only slept together because of loneliness, not because they were dating. He had explained to him that Ichimaru asked him out one time and they started to see each other more and more while Kira was finishing up his schooling at the Academy. When Ichimaru became a Taicho Kira put in a transfer from the 4th to be at his side and be both his Fukutaicho and his lover, only to soon become Ichimaru's toy which he beat and raped. Kira was thoroughly ashamed that his first time having sex was unwilling. Ichimaru said he had been fed up with not receiving anything other than oral and beat Kira until he was subdued and than he... And now Kira was easily aroused by others' touches and even more by the image of Ichimaru in his head. Kira was ready to let his mind snap and not care what happened afterwards.

_'Why am I so damn naive? Why did Ichimaru use me..? Why did Shuhei-kun and Kyoraku-taicho use me..? Gods I'm so pathetic... I can't tell Yamamoto-Sotaicho about this! He'd be disgusted that I'm gay! I'd loose my position of Fukutaicho! I can't let that happen... I can't..!'_

"Kira-san, do not be so worried. We will not let anyone know. No one will think ill of you." Kira barked out a bitter laugh. Kira's eyes opened wide and he gasped when he realized what he'd done. He quickly apologized to Unohana and inclined his head. He shrunk slightly and began to just dart his eyes about, any place other than Unohana and especially Yamamoto. Unohana rubbed his back again. Yamamoto sighed and closed his eyes again.

"Kira-fukutaicho... You are very brave and I compliment you on being able to keep your Division together after Ichimaru's betrayal." Kira swallowed with a dry throat and slowly looked at Yamamoto. He stopped at his long, leather-bond beard. "However, if you let this continue to eat at you like this, you will fail not only yourself, but your Squad as well. You do not wish for that, do you..?"

"I wi-will not f-fail them!" Kira shook his head and tightened his fists till he felt his nails start to make his flesh burn slightly. Though breathes Kira sternly spoke to Yamamoto. "I. Am. Fine!"

"I told you not to show disrespect, boy."

"But y-you two are no-not listening! I'm f-fine!" Kira's emotions suddenly caught up to him and he choked out a gasp and screwed his eyes shut so the tears would be blocked out. His voice became shakey as he slowly shook his head. "I'm fine! I'm fine..!"

"Kira-san... What did Ichimaru do to you..?"

"I... H-he never hur-hurt me. Ok? I'm fine, re-really." Kira glanced to Unohana with a smile so badly forced Unohana knew he was lying to her. She loooked up at Yamamoto again. He shook his head and than opened his small, leering eyes.

"Kira-fukutaicho." Yamamoto's voice softened as his long brows raised slightly. "Why did you not say anything to anyone until now, Kira-fukutaicho? Why did you not say anything to me?"

"He didn't..! He..!" Kira gasped again and could no longer hide the sobs and a tear rolled down his right cheek. He tensed before he continued. "I co-couldn't..." Kira had his eyes shut and shook his head. His words stammered with effort and sobs. "He... He told m-me that I-I was h... his lo... his... And I... it w-was always my fa-fault I got hu-hurt..." Kira's nails bit into the palms of his hands as he tried desperately not to run out of the door not 20 feet in front of himself. Blood pearled and slowly rolled down leaving thin lines. Unohana saw this and felt concerned.

"It's ok, Kira-san... Please, do not hurt yourself so." Unohana's words penetrated into Kira's chaotic mind as she rubbed his back more. "We only wish to help and make sure you are alright. You can let it out. Why did Ichimaru do this to you?"

"Be-because... I was s-so stupid... a-and I-Ichimaru di-didn't like th-that..." Kira sobbed more and tried to cover his face with his hands, but Unohana took them and held them in her own hands as she used healing kido to heal the small nail bites on the palms.

"Kira-san, you are not 'stupid'. You have always been exceptionally smart in nearly every aspect. You should have known better than to let him fill your head with such nonsense..."

"I am stu-stupid. I th-thought he...Lov... I am s-stupid..." Kira shook his head again. "I was so... s-so lonely... My par-parents were g-gone and... and my frie-friends al-always made f-fun of me... Be-because I..." Kira glanced uncomfortably at Yamamoto than screwed his eyes shut and continued in a soft tone. "... l-like guys... and I-I don't like a-any girls... I try. But I ca-can't..!"

"Sh. It's alright Kira-san. We are old enough to understand gender is not what is important." Unohana pulled Kira closer to herself and he let her, but he did hold onto her. He just simply leaned into her as she pulled him near. He silently trembled as the silent sobs grew. "But how could you believe Ichimaru loved you when he hurt you? Do you think he had Aizen use his zanpakuto's ability to blind you into thinking Ichimaru loved you and you him?"

"No... Ichi-Ichimaru was... really...hic... really nice the fir-first few y-years... He'd buy gifts...hic... and t-take me out... and o-other stuff..." Kira tensed slightly as his voice grew distant. "Always s-so sweet... and ge-gentle. Hic... I ne-never thought he'd t-turn out li-like _that_. H-he came to th-the office a-and was s-so mad one d-day..." Kira swallowed against a dry throat once again. He opened his tearful eyes and looked up at Unohana. "He said i-it was my fa-fault and he... he..!" Kira snapped his eyes shut and choked out a harsh gasp. Unohana wrapped her arms around him and Kira laid his head into the groove of her slender neck. Kira grabbed at the Taicho haori and gripped tightly as his bodied began to rack up with harsher sobs. Yamamoto closed his eyes and lowered his head slightly. Unohana tightened her grip on Kira as the sobs made him jerk slightly. She lowered her mouth to his ear and spoke so softly only he could hear.

"Did Ichimaru rape you..?" Kira nodded violently. Unohana closed her eyes and her smile faltered into a slight frown. She lightly kissed above his ear and than returned to it to ask another question. "Did he beat you?" Kira nodded again and the sobs choked and he started to cry. She pressed him closer. She sighed softly before continuing. "Did he ever draw blood when he beat you?" Kira nodded once more and burried his head far enough so she could no longer see his face as he wept. She let him and just rested her chin over his head as she gave Yamamoto a soft nod and than closed her eyes and lightly rocked Kira. Yamamoto shook his head as he slowly made his way to the two. When he got close enough he reached out and placed a thin, boney hand over Kira's back. Kira must have assumed it to be Unohana since he did not respond.

"Will you let Unohana-taicho examine you and help any way she can..?"

"They... they're a-all... s-scars now..." Kira's voice was muffled and racked with sobs.

"I can help to reduce the scars, Kira-san. Some we may be even able to remove completely with skin graphing or transplants..." Unohana petted Kira's head softly to calm him. Kira shook his head and slowed his crying. When he pulled away Unohana let her arms move so that her hands rested on his shoulder as Ymamoto removed his hand and stepped back. Kira looked Unohana in the eyes with a sense of pain and determination.

"No. Please, I just..! I-I want to b-be left alone!" Kira gasped and cried more as he dug his face deeper. He felt more bitter and ashamed than he had ever felt before. He wanted to stop crying, but the tears and sobs only came more and harsher. He wanted to cut on his flesh once more like he had done so many nights before only to heal them the morning after so no one would ask questions. He wanted to snap at the two above him. He wanted to yell at them and tell them it was none of their business. That they hadn't been there and didn't have to remember being bound with kido and beaten with Ichimaru's zanpakuto. They didn't have to remember the feeling of being abandoned by the only person in both the spirit and living worlds that you...

_~It's all sooo depressing, isn't it..?~ _Asked an old man's drawn out voice silently. It was wavering, but rich and deep.

_'Leave me the Hell alone, Wabisuke! I am not in the mood to deal with your fucking mind games!'_

_~I wonder what people would think if they knew how you really were. So depressing. ~_

_'Leave!'_

_~ Poor Izuru... But if they knew the truth... So depressing...~ _Wabisuke chuckled hoarsely.

_'Shut up, Wabisuke!'_

_~If they knew that even now you would go with him and be his willing and longing sex slave..? So depressing this situation is... ~_

_'Shut up! Shut up!' _

"Kira-san..? Please, let us help?" Kira jerked a bit at Unohana's words. He had become distracted by his Zanpakuto spirit. It was constantly mocking him and playing games with his head. It would constantly remind him that he actually enjoyed what Ichimaru had did to him regardless how shamed he felt afterwards. Kira would cry and curse himself after until Ichimaru would get him and bind and beat and rape him and give him that absurd and disgusting high he felt. He often hoped that Ichimaru would admit that he did that to Kira because he knew that Kira got off on it... But no such luck. Ichimaru would never even apologize for anything. He never did. Kira had heard that he apologize to Matsumoto.

_'The bitch. She didn't deserve the apology... She didn't need it like I did... The one thing I wanted and he didn't even give to me..! The fucking jerk! And why the fuck did every one have to act like they fucking cared? They just want to make sure I'm fit to work.'_

_~That's right... They only care about their precious Division, not you...~_

_'The bastards! I was doing fine until Shuuhei! The bastard had to get me to drink and talk! And Kyoraku..! It was his fault, too!'_

_~Yes... It was wrong of them to talk so sweetly and give you such false reassurances... So depressing, Izuru-chan...~_

_'Why do they push me to talk about this..?'_

_~They do not care about you. They never have.~_

"Kira Izuru, do not ignore us!" Kira jumped and jerked his head up to look up at a very concerned Unohana. She had placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him away slightly. He cursed himself for not paying attention. The sobs had stalled to harsh breathes, now out of bitterness and hate.

"Please, ju-just let me g-go now..?" Kira was trying not to let the bitterness lace his words.

"No. We need to discus this. You need to talk to someone who can help you." Kira looked at Unohana and she cupped his face. He didn't care about not showing his bitterness than. He gave her a sour look which she hadn't seen before and she pulled her hands away slightly. Kira closed his eyes and a wry smile edged at the corner of his lips.

_~Tell them what your lover did to you... Show them all the marks of his ownership and dedication to you... Show them what despair looks like, Izuru-chan...~_

"You want to hear all the fucked up, crazy shit Ichimaru did..? You want to see all the pretty little scars he whipped and burned into my flesh..?" Kira opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Yamamoto. He lost the smile and gave Yamamoto a bitter, depressed look. "Fine."

_~Show them your despair, Izuru-chan...~_


	9. Night of Failure Chapter 5

**I hope the last chapter (and this one) is as sour/bitter as I hoped it to be.**

**And no, I do not believe Kira-sama to be weak, not by any means at all. **

**In my eyes, he is, and always will be, fit to top (be a seme).**

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**Chapter 5:**

**Failure**

It was rather late by the time Unohana was finally finishing up on her thorough examination on Kira's scarred body. He was lying on the bed in the empty patient room alone with Unohana. Unohana sent Yamamoto out to another place in order to assure that Kira would allow her to view all his body to be sure not to miss anything in case it need to be healed over or reset. Kira was naked and laid uneasily back, jerking if she ventured somewhere Kira considered personal. Not personal as in his privates per say, but personal as in a memory of Ichimaru having marked that area for a very specific reason. She had found that nearly all of Kira's bones had been brokened and healed either through kido, or worse still, naturally without having been set properly. When she asked if it was during vacations in which he had let the bones heal naturally he barked out a laugh.

"No... I had to work all the time."

"Kira-san you received vacatio-" Kira chuckled and than spoke before she could finish off her sentence.

"A vacation in the books, but not to me. I worked more grueling hours after the office closed." Kira's face saddened and his words came out more deprived. "I was constantly in the role of Ichimaru Gin's Fukutaicho. I was constantly under his control. Under his fingers..." Kira trailed off as his eyes closed shut.

Unohana swallowed and continued to survey his upper left thigh muscle and bones, using her fingers to feel the flesh and her reiatsu to feel along the raggedly healed bone. Even in her experience she had never seen such a disturbing sight before her. Kira's inner thighs were marred and scared with scars at least an inch thick and overlaying and rather rough to the touch from his knees up to his sac and they even covered some of the bottom of it. There were also scars across Kira's bottom. Right up to below his waist. They mostly appeared to be the results of whippings but there were some which were simply unidentifiable. Unohana was becoming disgusted that she had such a coworker at any time in her life. She vaguely wondered if Aizen was much different from Ichimaru.

She continued to work on Kira's left leg, pulling down his thigh to his knee. She noted to herself that his patella had been poorly reconstructed from what appeared to be a very bad shattering of it. Kira began to show more of his true self, now too depressed and infuriated to care what sort of impression he made on his former Taicho anymore. His heart was wrenched and bleeding out and no one seemed to care what he wanted or really needed. They only cared about getting him stable enough to do the work so the 3rd wouldn't be without and Taicho and Fukutaicho. They didn't care how humiliating this was for him to lay nude and be rubbed down and prodded at in order to be told how broken and damaged he was in the end. He wanted to turn over and cry. He wanted to screw his eyes shut and scream until his throat went dry and gave out. He wanted to beat something to pieces. He wanted to beat someone to a bloody mess and have them crying out all the tears he tried not to shed. He wanted... something.

Finally Unohana released Kira's left foot and stood up. She smiled a tired, desperate smile as she looked Kira in the eyes. Kira could see the pity in her eyes. He despised being pitied by others. He didn't want anyone to know so no one would pity him and make him feel the shame that swelled in his gut and the back of his throat. Unohana sighed as she turned and picked up Kira's uniform and than turned back and handed it to him before turning around again. "You may get dressed again. I am finished with the examination. I believe you can leave tonight. But..." She slightly flexed her fingers, a gesture perhaps of wanting to ball up her hands, but she did no such thing. Kira had his hakama on already and was pulling his black kimono top over his shoulders as she continued on. "I would be happy to properly set your badly mended bones and lessen your scars on you inner thighs. Please at least consider it. And you are to take the next three days off, Kira-san. So please take care, and come here if you need anything."

"Thanks, Unohana..." Kira paused and than said Taicho as an after thought. She turned back to him and he was fully dressed now, finishing tying his white sash at the front and than smoothing the top out with his hands. Unohana smiled more charmingly and Kira could only must a faint, rather pathetically forced smile back at her. He gave up on it soon after returning to his somber and depressed face. "I can just leave, right..? I don't really have to face Yamamoto-Sotaicho..?"

"No, you do not have to do anything you do not want to do right now. I will inform him of anything I think he should know about, but you needn't be present."

_'Yeah, so you two can talk about how pathetic I am and discus who's going to replace me... Fuck you guys.'_

"Thank you, Unohana-taicho..." murmured Kira under his breath, refusing to let his inner thoughts come out. "I can go out on my own, right? If... if someone s-sees you with me..."

"I do not have to escort you out. You are not under arrest. We only care for you and your well-being."

_'What a load of shit, you pity-spewing bitch...'_

"I'll leave than, Unohana-taicho." Kira said as he bowed and than strode out of the room with his dignity and pride dragging bloodied and mangled on the floor behind himself. He was well-mannered and polite to all those he passed. He had played this game of mental numbing enough to know all the rules and steps. Say 'thank you' for receiving pity, smile a calm smile and stand tall with your chin up and shoulders squared off and back. Let people whisper and gossip; they did it more if you stepped in and tried to stop it anyway. He made it to the main entrance and made his way to the doors. As he came out the Heavens poured their unneeded pity in the form of ice cold rain. It was pitch black out except some lit lanterns along walkways and the streak of lightening that would make every thing go pure white for a fraction of a second. The air slowly rumbled with thunder as well. Kira felt the freezing wind and only smiled faintly. He would walk in this to numb his body physically before returning home and adding onto the grotesque list Unohana just mentally made of his body.

"Izuru-kun..?" Kira's eyes widened at the familar voice. His heart pooled with bitterness and hatred and a deep ting of sourness beyond any other. He swallowed and turned to his right slowly. Hisagi was there not seven feet from where he was. Kira also bitterly noted he had Abarai Renji and Matsumoto Rangiku standing behind him, both with that worry-covered pity in their faces as they all were drenched and stared wide-eyed at Kira. Kira's smile slowly faded into a vengeful scowl. He stared down Hisagi. He knew than it must have been him whom had ruined and defiled him so harshly. Kira's body no longer held organs and bones and blood. No. It harbored nothing but pure, untainted hatred and a deep spreading darkness that would have scared Kira himself, had he had not been so wrapped up in stabbing Hisagi with his ever growing face of hate. Hisagi finally worked a shakey smile and worked his feet forward. "I-Izuru..? I... I know you're mad, bu-"

Before Hisagi finished he was one the floor of the fine hardwood. He let out a surprised gasp and than felt the harsh and very tangible feel of knuckles meeting his left cheek, right next to the '69' tattoo as Kira yelled out harshly. "You had-" Hisagi's head whip-lashed to the right and he grunted at the unexpected pain. "-no fucking right!" Than another fist connected to the right side of his face and his head flung left. "You ruined me, you bastard!" Kira was straddled over Hisagi's waist and punching him using both hands, one after another spewing curses and making the man he hated most bleed out of his mouth and nose.

When the initial shock of Kira's hate-filled reiatsu and his lashing out at Hisagi passed Abarai startled and than ran over, and Matsumoto followed with a loud gasp. Abari grabbed Kira and pulled him back off of Hisagi as Kira kicked and began spewing hate-fueled words at Abarai. The drenched redhead couldn't get what Kira meant by calling him a user and cursing and saying Hisagi had ruined him. Abarai truely had no idea why Kira was here at the 4th other than Hisagi had said he was getting help for some injury and Matsumoto and him wanted to join to greet their friend and help him home. "Izuru-kun! Calm the fuck down, man! What the Hell is your problem!? We came to help you home!"

"What the fuck do I look like, a fucking handicap!?" Kira got his footing and swung a hard, angry fist at Abarai who ducked back and took a few steps away with his hands raised out in front of his chest. Kira was hunched slightly and sneered a deep growl as he breathed in and out. He stopped and let the scene sink in further; he had just beat Hiasgi's face to a bloody mess and he was being worried over by Matsumoto as she glanced at Kira with great distaste and Abarai was a few feet away with a very confused and now rage-tinted face looking at Kira. But something finally felt right in Kira. Kira didn't care. He reacted and let out what he was truly feeling for the first time in his life. He was dementedly proud of himself. Abarai slowly lowered his hands when he felt safe enough to do so and took a step towards Kira, but stopped short.

"Hey, look, man, I honestly don't know what happened to you a-"

"The fuck you don't! I bet Shuuhei went and told everyone what happened!" Kira let a very dark and rather eerie smile stretch on his lips as he chuckled wryly. "Fuck you." Kira stepped back a few steps and slowly shook his head. "Fuck all of you..!" Kira used shunpo to disappear from their view. He pushed himself to use shunpo as best he could to get away as fast as he could. Kira lightly leaped from building to building for a short while until he stopped on the second level of a large three story building. He looked around trying to see through hate-blurred eyes and the drowning rain. The building was nice and the railing was fine and delicate as was the two shoji doors to the building not too far from the heavily panting Kira. Than it hit him. He was in the Squad 13 barracks. As Kira panted heavily he looked around slowly, letting the cold rain numb his body. His mind slowly reeled and a softer and much more concerned look swept over him. He just hurt his one of his few friends he had left. He began to panic inside and his heart swelled with his shameful thoughts. He was going to be striped of his ranking and punished officially, he was sure of it. And it would get around that he was mentally-and physically-fucked up so no one would want to be his friend. Not Hisagi. Not Abarai. Not Matsumoto. Espacially not Hinamori, their relationship was all ready on the rocks since he stuck up for Ichimaru against her. He was going to be alone. All alone.

_~You have always been alone, Izuru-chan...~_

_'I'm ruined... Completely ruined!'_

_~Poor little Iruru-chan...~ _Wabisuke chuckled unkindly at Kira's pain.

"Shut up!" Kira screamed aloud as he fisted his hands to his face and screwed his eyes shut.

"Who's there!?" Kira gasped when he realized he wasn't alone and turned to the person behind him. Kira's eyes were wide and his face had blood washing down his face from the rain. In front of him was a surprised Kyoraku with his katana drawn, but steadily lowering it once he saw whom it was and giving a look of concern. Ukitake Jushiro was not too far off behind him, pulling his black kimono top and white Taicho haori up back over his shoulder as he came out in the rain after Kyoraku. "Kira-fukutaicho? What are you doing out here..?" He looked over Kira's hands and the blood that was being washed away and than at Kira's worried and very frightened face that had hints of red running down his chin dripping off with the pouring rain. "Did someone attack you?"

"What's going on, Shunsui-kun?" Ukitake came up next to Kyoraku on his right with a look of concern as well. Kyoraku sheathed his katana as he gestured to Kira, never having taken his eyes from Kira's wide eyes. Ukitake looked over and his eyes fractionally opened wider at the site. "Kira-fukutaicho, are you alright?" Ukitake moved closer to Kira slightly and Kira started feeling light headed as his thoughts turned from chaos to a simple thought.

"He ruined me..." With that Kira's blurred sight went blacker than the night sky around him and all he could make out was Ukitake calling out his name as his numbed body fell down.

_~So depressing.~ _


	10. Night of Friendship Chapter 1

**This section will be a lot more passionate/lovey-dovey. Mostly between Hisagi and Kira, but some Kira/Ayasegawa fluffiness.**

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**The Night of Forgiving**

**Chapter 1:**

**The Trust Needed**

Kira's mind swirled and he had a pounding headache as he stirred slightly hearing two faint yet rich voices talking near him. Kyoraku was on the ground next to the soft plush couch that Kira was on and Ukitake sat in the middle of the couch on the edge in front of Kira. They both stopped there conversation as Kira slowly came to and his eyes fluttered open. He moaned softly and than squeezed his eyes shut and brought his left hand to wipe over his face until it hit a cool, damp cloth on his forehead. He went to grab it, but felt a soft touch on his hand.

"Leave it on. It's a medical patch, to help with any headaches and sooth your body and mind." Ukitake's voice came out smooth and rich as he lightly patted Kira's hand. Kira opened his eyes and met Ukitake's kind face and chocolate brown eyes. Ukitake smiled and went to take his hand back, but Kira caught it with his left hand and pulled it back placing it against his left cheek and dampened blonde fringe. As all the memories poured into his head he let out a quiet sob. Ukitake saddened slightly, but kept his smile in place as he turned his hand over and cupped Kira's cheek.

"What did I do..?" Kira choked out in a whispered. Kira squeezed his eyes tighter and let out a harsher sob. Kira knew the answers to his question and both Ukitake and Kyoraku knew that. They exchanged glances and Kyoraku pushed himself off the ground and stood up. Kyoraku leaned down slightly and brought his hand to brush across Kira's other cheek. Kira flinched and opened his eyes as he looked at Kyoraku.

"I'm going to go and see what's what. Stay here with Jushiro and rest, okay, Kira-san?" Kira swallowed and took a glance at Ukitake before looking back at Kyoraku and nodding. "Good. I'll be back soon." With that Kyoraku turned and strode out into the still pouring rain and black sky, sliding the shoji behind him shut. Ukitake turned his attention to Kira as he covered his face with his hands and mumbled something too soft for Ukitake to understand. Ukitake lightly squeezed his hand on Kira's cheek and than softly rubbed his thumb against it when he heard Kira sniffle and sob again.

"Shunsui-kun will make sure you are not in trouble, Kira-kun, do not fret so. I'm sure the 4th gets people coming in from local fights all the time."

"I... I hit him s-so... hic... hard! He... he was ble-bleeding all... hic... all over!" Ukitake's brow creased slightly at the confession, but he still kept soothing Kira by rubbing his thumb on his cheek.

"Who..? Who did you make bleed, Kira-san?"

"... Shuuhei..." It was so desperate and soft Ukitake almost didn't hear it. Ukitake stroked Kira's hair and lightly leaned in enough to kiss the back of his right hand. Kira lowered his hands slowly to look at Ukitake in confusion, still slightly sobbing and his eyes red-rimmed and wet. Ukitake smiled and sat back.

"If it was with Hisagi-fukutaicho, than it'll be fine. You two are very good friends, and I know how Hisagi-san is about his friends and how loyal he is. You could have tried to kill him and I am sure he would still forgive you a thousand times over. Especially since he- ah." Ukitake closed his eyes and lightly shook his head. Kira creased his brows and lowered his hands to his throat, right under his chin. He was ashamed and very embarrassed, but the smooth talking Taicho above calmed him enough that he didn't panic. And knowing that Kyoraku wasn't the one who turned him in made him trust the two Taichos all the more.

"What... sniff... about Shuuhei..?" Ukitake smiled more widely as he opened his eyes.

"Hisagi-san has confessed to me many times that he cares for you deeply, far more than a friendship." Kira's eyes widen and his mouth gaped slightly. Ukitake chuckled before he continued. "He was very confused about his romantic feelings for his friend, whom was also a man, and he wasn't sure what to do. He said how he had been in love with Matsumoto-fukutaicho, but after decades of spending time with his friend he had fallen in love with him instead. At first he refused to tell me who it was that he was in love with. In all honesty, I had started to believe it to be Tousen, since Hisagi-san was always so loyal to him, but when I had told whom I thought it was, he frantically confessed it to be you and not his Taicho." Ukitake chuckled again and Kira blushed feverishly. Kira was imaging what it'd have been like if Hisagi had been in a relationship with Tousen. Kira imagined the two naked and Kira squeezed his eyes shut instantly in embarrassment. Many did not find Tousen attractive, but Kira had accidentally walked in on Tousen in the public 4th Division bathhouse while he was still naked and had been very glad that Tousen was blind-he didn't see Kira's arousal. He recalled Tousen's long dreaded hair falling pass his shoulders and dripping the healing water and the lean, muscular body and very impressive manhood, if Kira had a say in anything of it. Kira shook his head to try and remove the thoughts as he opened his eyes and looked up at Ukitake. Ukitake was looking at Kira with slight amusement in his eyes as his smile grew a little sly. "And just what were you thinking, hmm?"

"No-nothing!" Kira blushed more when he realized he must have been giving a very odd face when he was thinking back to seeing Tousen nude. He pulled himself back and than sat back as he was held up by the large white pillow with floral designs on it behind him. He started a bit when he realized he had been changed into an olive-green man's kimono that was very loosely tied. As Kira quickly retied the sash Ukitake stood up while he laughed at Kira's obvious embarrassment. He walked over to a traditional looking wooden low table and picked up a beautifully decorated tea pot that still had steam rolling off of it. He than picked up a delicate tea cup and poured some light green liquid into it. Kira looked around the room slowly, realizing he must be in the Taicho's personal quarters. The room was medium sized and had two shoji doors; one that was opposite Kira and another to the wall right of the couch. The walls were all natural beige wood and a large, opened fan hung on the wall. There was a white and orange koi fish embroidered onto the fan along with some indications of water around it. The tip of the fan's top had teal colored fringe coming out of red beads. Kira smiled at the fan and than continued to study the rest of the room. It was rather empty other than the couch and some decorations similar to the large fan. There was a small single bamboo stick growing out of a small ceramic vase on a stand a few feet from the exit and and large, rectangular scroll hung from the wall opposite the wall with the large fan. It had a painting of a Hime and a samurai fighting a demon in traditional Japanese art form. Kira's eyes slowly moved back to Ukiake as he brought the piping hot cup of tea to Kira. Ukitake handed him the tea and Kira hesitantly took it in both his hand.

It was warm and inviting, just like Ukitake, but Kira felt himself go sick because of it. He didn't believe he should be rewarded for having badly hurt his friend, both physically, and now he knew emotionally as well. Kira stared down at the tea and watched as it swirled a design and than he closed his eyes and sighed. Ukitake sat back down at the edge of the couch and looked the mess of a Fukutaicho in front of him. His heart turned at the thought of Kira having been so violent towards another, but he understood it somewhat now that Kyoraku had briefed him while Kira had been unconscious. Kira had been used by Ichimaru and now he and Hisagi had had a one night stand as far as Kira was concerned. Ukitake felt sad and wanted to hold Kira and let him know he wasn't the only one who had been hurt by the three defectives but he knew deep down that wouldn't work. Ukitake saw what Kyoraku and the others failed to see. He could see the strength and dormant dominance which had been beaten down by Ichimaru. Kyoraku, like many of the others, believed Kira to be either weak or willingly submissive or both. Ukitake saw that that was not true. Kira seemed to be rebelling from having been so misunderstood, so beaten, so... broken.

"Kira-kun..." Kira opened his eyes and looked up at Ukitake, trying to form a smile to help lessen the worry in Ukitake's handsome face.

"Hmm? What is i-it," Kira closed his eyes tightly and sighed. Inwardly he cursed himself for having stuttered and for having such a bothersome speech disorder. He swallowed and opened his eyes looking at the Taicho. "What is it, Ukitake- Taicho?"

"Did you have feelings for..." Ukitake looked away at the floor beneath him and swallowed slightly. "... for Ichimaru?" Kira's eyes grew wide and his mouth gaped wide as he tried to formulate an answer only to unconsciously loosen his grip on his tea cup, pouring some of the tea onto his bare chest. He gasped sharply as the tea scolded his chest, making him fling the cup off and let the healing patch on his forehead fall as he jumped off the couch.

"Aah! Dammit, that's hot!" Ukitake quickly ran over to the low table and got a golden cloth napkin as Kira stood up and had pulled the kimono top away from his chest as to not get it wet, too. Ukitake unfoled the cloth as he returned and started to lightly press it onto Kira's chest to soak up what tea was left. Kira cursed a bit but took the cloth from Ukitake saying he can take care of himself as politely as he could muster and began to more roughly wipe the tea off. Kira wiped his face dry of the droplets that had gotten on his cheek and chin and than wiped down the length of his neck. Ukitake was taking this in. Kira was definitely not meant to be submissive, regardless what others thought. He had a mind of his own and obviously liked doing things his own way. It had only been manipulated by Ichimaru, not destroyed. Ukitake let a soft smile roll across his lips as he thought about this. "What..?"

"Huh?" Ukitkae snapped back from his thoughts as Kira gave hm a questioning look. "Oh, um-nothing, Kira-san. Are you alright? Do you need some cool water or healing salve?"

"Please, it's ok, Ukitake-taicho. It wasn't hot enough to cause that much damage. It just took me by surprise, that's all."

"If you think so. Sit back down, I'll clean the tea up." Ukitake moved towards the broken tea cup and spilt tea but Kira quickly grabbed his left arm with his right. Ukitake stopped and turned to look Kira in his eyes.

"I will clean it. I was the one whom carelessly threw it aside so I should be the one to clean it up, Ukitake-Taicho." Ukitake smiled and brought his hands to Kira's shoulders. Kira's eyes widened slightly at the sudden contact.

"Thank you, that's honorable of you, but you have just been through a lot. I will clean it up. Sit down and rest. Please." Ukitake smiled warmly and Kira sighed as he nodded and backed up letting Ukitake's hands slide off his body. Kira sat back down on the couch as Ukitake knelt down and began to pick up large chunks of the broken cup. Kira's thoughts began to become unnerving again. He wondered if it wasn't lust that he had felt from Hisagi that night, but love. He was confused now.

_'Shuuhei-kun loves me. Me? He always talked about Rangiku-san... I would have never even imagined he liked any guy like that. Let alone... love.'_- Kira than recalled a haiku that Hisagi had written and given to Kira to edit and look at for errors. It was a love haiku and Kira had dismissed it for being for Matsumoto. Now he was wondering if it had been for him. Kira blushed at the thought.

"Ukitake-taicho..?" Ukitake got up with the golden napkin filled with the remains of the tea cup. Kira blushed more and looked away, uneasy because of his thoughts. "Shuuhei-kun, he re-really said th-that he... that he loves me..?" Ukitake smiled broadly at Kira's question.

"Yes. And I know it to be true. I can tell by the way he looks at you when you guys are together or when he sees you far off. His eyes fill with a warmth and a very deep passion."

"...'Passion'..?" Kira mindlessly repeated. He raised his hand to his neck and brushed it softly remembering Hisagi's tongue and lips against it.

_'Was that what I felt..? Passion..? Not lust..?'_

"Yes, passion." Ukitake placed the napkin and cup remains on the low table. Than the shoji door opened and a drenched Kyoraku came in with an equally wet Abarai close behind with a scowl. Kira saw him and looked down in shame. He knew it was bad. Kira's shoulders tensed up and he bit his lip as the two walked in. Kyoraku walked over towards Ukitake asking what happened with the cup. "Kira-san spilled some tea and got hurt, which in turn made him drop the cup. Nothing to worry over, Shunsui-kun." Kyoraku glanced at Kira and than at the tea a few feet away. He knew he didn't just drop it but let it go when Ukitake touched his arm with tender a embrace. Kyoraku patted Ukitake's arm lovingly and than looked back at the hunched over Kira, obviously awaiting a horrid outcome.

"Kira-san..." Kira started at Kyoraku's rich voice and looked up, but than quickly averted his eyes, not wanting to look at his too long. He was sure he would be told to give up his position or even told he was required to receive help from Unohana now, his eyebrows slowly creasing. He wanted to only know one thing though.

"Is Shuuhei-kun alright, Kyoraku-taicho..?" Abarai stepped forward a foot at that, making Kira flinch slightly.

"Besides having gotten a broken nose and a couple o' black eyes?" Kira sunk a bit lower out of hate for himself. Abarai saw this and sighed heavily making Kira look up at him with the fear in his eyes evident. "But as far as Unohana and everyone else is concerned, me and Shuuhei got into it bad after drinking a lot and I got him pinned before he could react and beat his face."

"What? But - _why_?" Kira stared at Abarai with wide, confused eyes and gaped his mouth after speaking. Abarai looked away as he scratched at the back of his head out of nervousness.

"Look, after you went all berserk-commando out there I was honestly confused. And pissed off. Shuuhei had only said you got hurt and should be getting out soon and so Rangibku-san and I said we'd come along even though Shuuhei-kun was being all weird 'bout it, but finally gave in and let us. He hadn't said shit 'bout why you where there." Kira was slowly lowering his head and his face was screwing into a distraught state. He had made a very horrible mistake because of his swelling hatred he had let build up for far too long. Kira started to lightly shake his head.

"I'm sorry... So sorry..." whispered Kira. Abarai came closer to Kira and lazily brought his left arm up to Kira's viewpoint. Kira stared at his hand and than looked up at Abarai more confused. Abarai closed his eyes and sighed again.

"Shuuhei wanted me to take you back there so you two could talk." Kira swallowed and lowered his eyes. "He said to only come if you want to, not to come cause you're worried or something. Shuuhei's fine now that Unohana got to him. She just wanted him to stay the night so 'we' wouldn't get into another fight."

"What..." Kira looked back up at Abarai. "What will happen to you, Renji-kun..?" Abarai shrugged.

"Besides a boring lecture from Unohana and a mountain of paperwork with and even more boring lecture on honor and what not from my Taicho..? Not much, probably. Now you gonna go see him or not..?" Abarai gestured his head slightly as he wiggled his fingers on the hand outstretched to Kira. He began to reach up with his right hand to grab Abarai's hand, but an inch or two from it he hesitated.

"Go, Kira-san. You and Hisagi-san should talk things through. You two are good friends, you'll make it." said Ukitake softly as he smiled at Kira. Kira looked at him and than took Abarai's hand. Abarai tugged Kira off of the couch and patted his shoulders.

"Ukitake-taicho is right, Izuru-kun, it'll be cool once you guys talk what ever shit that's going on through." Kira smiled at Abarai's words and than looked at Kyoraku and Ukitake.

"Thank you. Both of you. You've both been very kind to me and I know to trust both of you-uf-" Abarai playfully punched down on Kira's shoulder. Kira smiled wryly at Abarai and rubbed his shoulder. "-all-of you."

"Come on, let's go before it pours any harder out there so you don't look too much like Hell when we get there. Shuuhei would worry more 'bout 'ya."

"Yeah," Kira said as he followed Abarai out the door and began to use shunpo to get to the 4th Division. "Shuuhei-kun always worries about everything."

"No, just you." Abarai smiled at Kira as he looked at him with a gaping mouth and cheeks as red as a cherry as they leaped along the buildings.

"What did Shuuhei tell you!?"

"Oh, not much. Just that you two are dating now."


	11. Night of Friendship Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

**Lovers**

Abarai stopped short of the 4th Barracks and Kira stopped next to him. Abarai patted Kira on the shoulder and told him it'd be better if he didn't go near there since Unohana and everyone thought he had been the one to pumble Hisagi. Kira smiled tiredly at him and nodded. Than Abarai took off towards the 6th Division using shunpo and Kira sighed before heading towards the main door. The olive colored kimono that Kira had on clung to his upper body from the rain even though it had lightened up a bit. When Kira entered it was far quieter from earlier and only the 4th Division nurses attending were visible. He walked to the front desk and politely asked which room was Hisagi in.

"He's in..." The petite nurse with brown short hair scanned the patient list and than spotted Hisagi's name and tapped it a couple of times. " He's in room 13. Which is the fifth room to your right that way." The nurse pointed to her left. Kira thanked her and bowed slightly before going to where she pointed. Kira walked down the hallway until he reached the fifth door to his right. He turned and sure enough he was looking at an upright sitting Hisagi right in his eyes. Kira swallowed and tried to smile at the site of Hisagi in the patient bed and white kimono. Hisagi smiled wryly and than lifted his arm to usher Kira in. He obeyed but came in slowly.

"Close the doors shut, would 'ya?" Kira stopped and lost his smile. He looked down and nodded as he turned around and closed the doors behind himself. Hisagi chuckled and Kira turned around to see what was funny. He was upset and all Hisagi was doing was laughing at him. "Don't look so sad. I'm not mad, baby." Kira blushed at the pet name and smiled when Hisagi pulled up the blankets and patted the bed space next to him. Kira walked forward to stand before the side of the bed. When Kira hesitated Hisagi frowned. "What's wrong, hun?"

"Well, I mean, I'm a-all wet a-and I'll get the be-bed soaked..." Kira was speaking softly, barely above a whisper as his cheeks blushed feverishly. Hisagi smiled and motioned towards a tall narrow closet across from the bed. Kira looked up at him puzzled.

"My uniforms in there, go ahead and change into it. A bit of blood, but it's all dry." Kira's heart wrenched at the mention of Hisagi's blood. Hisagi reached out and took the obviously upset Kira's hand, squeezing it softly. Kira smiled and squeezed back. "I'm fine now, really. I know you were just pissed at me. I know, babe. It's ok. It is. Now get the clothes and change before you get sick."

"Ok..." Kira sighed and walked over to the closet. He opened it and saw Hisagi's uniform folded up and took it gently into his hands, cradling it like a mother would a baby almost. Than he paused and timidly looked over at Hisagi. Hisagi tilted his head a creased his brows.

"What? You don't like my uniform..? It stink or something..?" Kira shook his head violently as he screwed his eyes shut.

"I... I have to change... he-here..?" Kira blushed as he asked. A wicked smile etched across Hisagi's face. He licked his lips ever so slightly and looked Kira - bottom to top - very slowly, adding a nod. Kira sighed and glanced at the door and than looked back at Hisagi. "If someone walks in, it's your fault, not mine." Hisagi chuckled and than nodded happily. Slowly Kira peeled back the moist olive colored cotton kimono off of his shoulders as he locked eyes with Hisagi. Hisagi had that glint in his eyes again. The same look Kira had thought to be lust. Kira smiled and pulled his arms, one at a time, out of the thick, wet sleeves and than lazily undid the sash and let it fall to the floor along with the kimono. He was nude, wet and rather cold, making his nipples perk into pale, peach colored buds. Hisagi crossed his legs and rested his elbows on his knees and his chin on the back of his hands as he licked his lips. Kira blushed and looked away as he picked up Hisagi's dry uniform. He unfolded it and put the hakama pants down as he put the black top and white undershirt on first. Than he picked up the hakama and slide it up his legs slowly, noting Hisagi's watchful eyes. Kira tucked in the tops and than tied the hakama and finally secured them with the white sash. Kira smoothed the material as he rolled his shoulders slightly, getting use to the feel of a sleeveless top. Kira grimaced at the droplets of maroon, since dried and crusted. "I'm so sorry..."

"Shh. Don't be, babe. I shouldn't have done that without talking it through with you first. I know how sensitive you were about it and I went and told Unohana and Sotaicho. It was my own stupidity... Don't feel bad for hitting me. I deserved it."

"No!" Kira snapped his head up and looked at Hisagi with anger. "You didn't deserve to be hurt by me! I was the one who was stupid! I just..!" Kira's face changed into sarrow as he looked down, his voice lowering as well. "I just... sometimes I feel... different. Like, I'll be happy and fine, and than something will happen that makes me feel really angry and bitter..."

"That happens to everyone. Shit happens, Izu-kun." Hisagi took up Kira's left hand and tugged on it softly, gesturing Kira to come around. Kira obeyed and followed Hisagi's guiding hand until he was back at the side of the bed. Hisagi laid on his side as he ushered Kira to come onto the bed. The patient bed creaked as Kira got on and laid on his side facing Hisagi. Hisagi moved closer and nestled Kira's head under his chin lovingly as he embraced him with his arms. "I honestly was mad when I woke and there wasn't even a note saying where 'ya went... but at the same time I knew you were probably sad and hurt or something... So I let you be." Kira whispered an apology but Hisagi playfully swatted his ass. Kira let out a surprised yelp and Hisagi laughed. "I was hoping you'd come to the 9th and surprise me or something. No luck though."

"But... earlier... I felt so... so different. So mean and so... different."

"Shh... It's fine."

"I'm loosing control again... Ichimaru always gave me those pills and it was fine... I could concentrate and not feel mad... He helped --"

"No, he drugged you up so he could manipulate you more. We'll figure out something, we can get Unohana-taicho to prescribe something similar. Or even the same thing. Don't remember that bastard. That's what he wants, Izu-kun." Kira snuggled close to Hisagi and placed his head under Shuuhei's chin again.

"I know it's what he wants... It's just so hard... And I attacked Matsumoto-kun... And Momo-kun, I stopped her by raising my blade to her..!"

"Hey- I don't know abut Rangiku-kun, but you had every right to defend yourself, and even that snake, from Hinamori-kun. She was in the wrong. Or at least we thought so at the time." Hisagi smiled again and held Kira tighter. "Plus, I got to hold you and take you all the way to the cell."

"You perv..."

"Hahaha... Your sexy ass makes me one."

"Sto-stop that!" For awhile after that neither spoke aloud except for a few whispers of comfort. Kira thought of what Ukitake had said about how Hisagi looks at him and than what Abarai said. "Shuu-kun..?"

"Yeah, hun?"

"Did... you really tell Renji-kun we're dating..?"

"Yeah... It made it easier than to tell him we got drunk and fucked. Why..? Don't approve of dating me..?" Kira shook his head as a red blush streaked across his face.

"N-no, it's not that..! It's just, I mean, we're guys and..."

" ...'and'..?"

"Do you really love me..?" whispered Kira as he shut his eyes closed. His heart froze as he waited.

"Kira Izuru, I have been in love with you for decades..." Kira jerked his head to look Hisagi in the eyes again. His heart skipped a few beats thinking it over in his head.

"But... why me? You al-always were talking about Rangiku-san, not me!"

"Like you said... 'we're guys'... Plus, I didn't think you'd go for me while Ichimaru was around. Thought he'd stop you from having your own life... So I'd always put on a front for you and him."

"Shuuhei-kun..." Kira cupped Hisagi's face firmly before he pressed his lips to Hisagi's fiercely. Hisagi let Kira take his mouth and dominate it with his eager tongue. Hisagi knew that Kira needed to feel safe and able to do stuff he likes to do. Hisagi wasn't a fool and could tell that Kira wanted to be in charge once in awhile from now on. And he'd let Kira take him, if it meant he could have him as his own. Kira explored his new found freedom and savored Hisagi's sake laced mouth well, every now and than nibbling or licking on Hisagi's lips. When Kira pulled away he looked at Hisagi through heavy lids and smiled. "I love you, too..."

"Izuru-kun..." Hisagi ran his hands up and down Kira's back softly as he smiled back. "It's fine, right? If we date..?"

"Ye-yeah... but please don't tell everyone! I-I'm not sure if I can handle all of that yet..!"

"Shh, I promise I'll keep it on the down low..." Hisagi kissed Kira back tenderly before he thought of something and pulled way. "That also depends on whether or not Renji said anything, too, though."

"Ah! Crap!" Hisagi's laughter echoed in the room as Kira smacked him lightly. They were both happy and right then that's all that mattered to them.


	12. Night of Friendship Chapter 3

**I'm trying to keep the events in this and the events in the manga in line. Sorry if they're not or I miss out on something (it'll obviously be different in between, but I want it to be somewhat the same at the events).**

**Chapter 3:**

**Sex Life**

The next day Kira and Hisagi parted ways after a brief kiss. Kira was dressed back in the olive green kimono Ukitake had let him barrow. He thought that he should return it, but brushed it off to the side in order to think of the night before and all of the passionate kisses and groping. Blush formed again on Kira's face as he walked to his personal barracks and slid the shoji door to his room open. He walked in and closed it behind himself. When he walked in further he began to untie the sash and open the kimono when he say a small white piece of paper with some writing on it on his futon to his right. He stepped over and picked up the small parchment. He began to read it.

**:"Kira, we need to talk about what happened. And not just about Hisagi-san. You know who else I mean. Please come to my office in the 10th Barracks around the afternoon. - Matsumoto Rangiku":**

Kira stared at the letter a moment and than his eyes went vague as he drifted into thought. He didn't want to talk to her. Not about Hisagi. And definitely not about Ichimaru. He hadn't even really regretted raising his blade to her in an attempt to fight her. Though he would admit he was rather disappointed that her shikai form rendered his zanpakuto's ability useless against hers. He was always envious that Ichimaru was so kind and gentle when around her. She was outgoing and most everyone liked her. He was told to remain silent and not be assertive. Ichimaru had told him that doing so would jeopardize their relationship in the beginning, but soon Kira had unknowingly molded into it as part of his everyday personality and attitude. Slowly Kira crumpled the parchment and than tossed it aside as he returned to removing the kimono off and neatly folding it. He set it on a small wooden nightstand next to his futon and than walked over to his drawers opposite his futon and took out the black and white kimono tops and than a black hakama pants. He slipped the tops over his shoulders, one at a time, and messed around with them until they were neat and comfortable. After that he slid on the hakama and tucked the tops in. Finally he took the white sash and wrapped it around himself and tied it off in a neat bow at the front, letting it fall from his fingers to lay against his waist. After awhile of tidying his room and fussing over his haikus and which to take to the Academy the next day there was a soft rapping at the shoji door and than an even softer, rich voice.

"Kira-fukutaicho..? It's Ukitake, I've brought your uniform from yesterday." Kira rushed over and slid open the shoji door. Ukitake was startled by the sudden movement of Kira ushering him in but smiled when he looked at the blush on Kira's face while he closed the door again. Soft chuckles came from behind Kira as he turned to see a warm smile and an even more warm set of chocolate brown eyes. Ukitake was in his Taicho uniform with his hair down as usual. However, Kira noted something that was not of the norm with the mostly innocent seeming Taicho. A little reddish mark was barely showing from underneath the collar of his Taicho haori; a hicky. Ukitake realized where Kira was staring and blushed as he lifted the uniform for Kira to take it. "Shunsui-kun is stubborn when it comes to healing his 'marks'." Kira started and than quickly took the uniform from Ukitake's hands and hugged it close to his body and face to hide his embarrassment. He wanted to ask if they were a couple but didn't feel he had a right to pry into his personal life. Ukitake lowered his hands to his sides and smiled more openly at the site of a very embarrassed Kira. "He would 'mark' me all over if I didn't slap him away... Kira-fukutaicho..?"

"Ye...Yes, Ukitake-tai...taicho?" Kira attempted to look the older man in the eyes but failed, settling his eyes on Ukitake's smile instead.

"You're alright now, right..? You Hisagi-fukutaicho worked everything out last night, right..?"

"Ye-yes, Sir..!" Kira screwed his eyes shut as his cheeks redden to a cherry color recalling his activities. They never went as far as sex last night, but close enough to be embarrassed over it. Ukitake laughed at that.

"That's very good than. And Abarai-fukutaicho..? He was alright with everything, right..?"

"Ren-ah-" Kira opened his eyes and looked at Ukitake. "Abarai-san was fine, yes. He might tease but he's fine." Kira looked down at the crumpled ball and briefly thought of Matsumoto. He probably should talk to her to clear the record of everything. Hisagi was right though. She wouldn't believe that Ichimaru had done anything to him unless he provoked him to. She would probably blame him.

"Kira-san..?"

"Uh! Y-yes, Taicho?" Kira jerked his head back up to meet Ukitake's eyes.

"What's wrong than..? You still seem upset..." Kira lips tugged into a slight smile at that. Ukitake was renown for figuring people out by looking at them. Kira let out a soft sigh before he talked.

"Matsumoto-san was there when I... I... Well, you know..." Ukitake nodded. "...And she wants me to go over to the 10th Division today and talk. I... I don't think I can... At least not tell her the whole truth... Not about what Ichimaru did..." Kira softly shook his head as he closed his eyes. "She'd never believe me..."

"Than don't tell her that. Just tell her you had some relationship problems with Hisagi-fukutaicho and they just built up. Hisagi was fine, wasn't he..?"

"Yeah..."

"Than I am sure she will be, too. Just, try and think of how she feels. No harm meant, but you did sort of beat her friend and fellow fukutaicho up right in front of her. And as far as she knew, it was for nothing." Ukitake gave a quizzical face and shrugged slightly. Kira lowered his face and nodded.

"No harm... It's the truth... I just... since Ichimaru left and stopped giving me those pills I can't control it..."

" 'Pills'? 'Control' what..? Kira-san, what ever do you mean..?" Ukitake's face turned to one of worry as he moved closer to Kira and placed his hands on Kira's shoulders tenderly. Kira panicked at first but Ukitake's warmth and rubbing hands calmed him. He took a breath and let it out before continuing.

"I sometimes... get like that... Like everythings wrong and my heart and head hurts... and I just want react bad... and the pills Ichimaru gave me helped - a lot. I was able to focus in the Academy and I even was able to make it to Fukutaicho because I could focus and what not. I-I didn't feel like everything was my fault. It helped to make me feel better..." Kira looked down and whispered. " ...and Ichimaru. He helped also..."

"He had been drugging you since the Academy..? Kira-san, why didn't you tell anyone..? Those could have been hurting you all this time." Ukitake leaned back when Kira's head jerked up.

"No! Really! They helped! Even now I-I get all nervous and my heart gets tight when something goes wrong! Even if I know it's not my fault I get so... So upset..!" His head lowered as he tried to keep from letting himself sob in front of Ukitake again. He inwardly cursed himself for being so weak, needing pills to keep himself sane. But Ukitake softly hushed him and rubbed the length of his arms.

"It's alright, Kira-san... I was just worried that he may have tried to poison you or something... Do you know what they were..?" Kira shook his head.

"Ichimaru just gave me two in the morning everyday and told me to take them..."

"Do you recall what they look like..?" Kira nodded.

"They where small and mostly white with a blue stripe. They were capsules... Ichimaru once said something about anti depressing... or something... I don't know... I was too tired than to pay attention... We had just ha-" Kira looked at Ukitake wide-eyed before quickly looking away and blushing. "N-Nevermind..!"

"It's alright. I'm not judging you... I have my own sex life too so don't think you need to be embarrassed around me."

"With... Kyoraku-taicho..?"

"Him, yes... More or less we are, what is the term now..?" Ukitake let Kira go and crossed his arm loosely in front of his chest. "Fuck buddies..? Nothing more though. I need reiatsu in order to keep my body fit and one way to get spiritual force is through sex. Sort of like the incubus. Plus Shunsui-kun likes it cause he gets a way to let off his own frustrations."

"So... you two aren't lovers..?" Kira winced slightly at Ukitakes laughter.

"Oh, no no no! Old childhood friends whom share sex together, yes, but 'lovers', no!" Ukitake mockingly shook his head as he laughed again. Kira swallowed and blushed again. "He and I are open to others as well. We do not confine ourselves to each other. He already tries to get with his Fukutaicho, if it isn't obvious..!"

"I suppose now that you mention it..."

"You actually interrupted us last night..." Kira looked Ukitake in the eyes as his went wide and his brows creased as his cheeks reddened. Ukitake just stared back with a more dark and rich look than the earlier warm one. His smile was more sly than caring. "We were just starting to make out and grope when you shouted outside. Kyoraku was fully dressed still and ran out before I did... I was not so dressed..."

"Uh..! I..! I-I'm so-sorry!" Kira couldn't think of anything else to do so he opted to bow deeply as he apologized.

"Oh! No, it's fine, Kira-san..!" Ukitake fanned his hand lightly towards Kira. The warm smile grew onto Ukitake's lips again as Kira stood upright again. "Anyway, don't be so hard on yourself, ok? You've been through a lot and I'm sure Hisagi-san will help you through it all and make you happy again. Really happy. He does love you."

"I know that now." Kira smiled back at Ukitake as his head kept trying to show him imaginary images of Ukitake nude. He blushed more and swallowed hard before looking away. He heard Ukitake sigh heavily and looked at him to see what was wrong.

"Well, I have to go now... There's a Meeting I should probably go to since I'm able to stand today." He rolled his eyes playfully. "How very fun to spend one of my few healthy days, hmm?"

"Of course, Ukitake-taicho." Kira playfully smiled and resisted laughing. Ukitake went around Kira and opened the door, stopping and half turning to look at Kira.

"Talk to Matsumoto-fukutaicho. I'm sure she needs it just as much as you do. Don't tell her about Ichimaru if you don't think you can tell her without hurting yourself. It isn't the main detail, alright, Fukutaicho?"

"Yes, Taicho. Thank you. For everything." They bowed to one another and Ukitake left, closing the door behind himself quietly. Kira stood in front of the closed door playing with the folded black fabric in his arms. He sighed and mentally agreed he should at least talk with her. Walking over to his drawer he opened it and than realized too late he had forgotten to give Ukitake back his kimono. Kira placed his uniform down as he sighed heavily. He could tell that this was going to be a long day. First he'd have to go and give the hour lecture on haikus and than go and talk to one of the few people he really did not want to talk to.


	13. Night of Friendship Chapter 4

**By the way, I do realize Hisagi is out of character (OOC) and I'll try to shape him better. But keep in mind people are also different in love-dovey situations. **

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Chapter 4:**

**Drunken Detachment**

"Matsumoto-kun..?" Kira timidly stuck his head in the large office doors. Matsumoto was sitting at a table and looked up at Kira when he spoke. She gave a weak, strained smile and told him to come in softly. She gestured to the chair across the table from her and Kira sat down formally. She poured him a cup of sake and held it out for him to take. He did so hesitantly, bringing it to his chest and looking into the cup at the clear liquid. He took a sip and placed it on the table.

_'I'm getting too use to drinking this stuff...'_ - Kira thought absently.

"I'm sorry, Kira-kun... For being so jealous of you and Gin all the time... " Kira jerked his head up at the soft words. Matsumoto smiled more but her eyes were threatened with tears at the edges. "He always talked about you when we talked and than you became his Fukutaicho... You were always following him around with those big blues of yours gleaming at him... And he always smiled so sincerely for you."

" 'Sin..sincerely'..?" Kira was confused. He thought Ichimaru hated him and gave the same smile for everyone. Not just him. And he was just saying horrid tales of how Kira was a slut, that's all. Wasn't it..? "Wh-What did Ichimaru say..? About me?"

"Never anything too special. Just the usual taicho and fukutaicho things. You working hard while Gin skipped around taking care of his permission trees." Kira smiled slightly at the fond memory of Gin pruning his trees, no matter how disgusting the fruit was, Kira had to admit the sight was very beautiful and peaceful. Like when their relationship had began. Matsumoto closed her eyes and continued. "But... you could always tell how much more happy he was when he talked about you."

"Matsumoto-kun..." Kira looked at Matsumoto and than back at his grey cup. "I'm sorry for being jealous, too... In all honesty, when I attacked you on the roof that time I was more than willing to. Not just for Ichimaru, for my chance to get back at you for always being so close to him and getting him to be so soft... I'm sorry for that time, too. And for the other day, when I hurt Shuu-kun in front of you and Abarai-kun. I was just so... So..."

"Furious and confused..?" Kira nodded and sighed softly.

"Yeah..." Kira picked up the cup and downed the sake at the recollection of Hisagi bleeding on the ground. When he put the cup down Matsumoto handed him a whole jug of sake. Kira paused, looked at the large jug and than at his small cup and than smiled as he took the jug and took a big slush from it.

"Gin said you didn't drink too well. But you downed the cup and a quarter of the bottle in a second with ease!" Mused Matsumoto. Kira swallowed hard and than pulled the jug away as he lazily shook his head and smiled.

"Everyone's been making me drink with them lately. At first it burned and was kind of bad but now it's getting a bit good..." Kira took another swig and than winced slightly. "Still mostly bad though."

"Well, I got plenty to spare! How's Hisagi-san!?" Matsumoto seemed to brighten a bit with the new mix of alcohol in the conversation.

"He was much better this morning..." Kira looked back down smiling and blushing at the thought of him and Hisagi kissing passionately after waking up in each others arms. Kira took another, smaller, swig from the beige jug. Matsumoto had gotten up and walked over to a desk and pulled out two large bottles of what could only be assumed was sake. She put them down on the table and sat back down with a renewed freshness and Kira felt somewhat silly for having thought so badly of her in the past. She must have been in just as much pain as he was over Ichimaru's defection. He recalled Ukitake saying that she had needed his as well, and that appeared to be the case.

"Drink up! It's good for your health!"

"I don't know if it's 'good for your health' but I'm not too opposed to drinking since I don't have any work anytime soon." Kira drunk the sake haphazardly and choked slightly while a chirpy Matsumoto giggled.

"That's the spirit, Kira-san!"

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**(KIRA'S P.o.V.)**

I slowly tried to open my hazy eyes as I struggled to lift my aching and throbbing head. It was black except for a hint of light flickering back and forth. And even though I knew it was a very dim light, my pounding head told me it was too bright. I felt something warm and hard against my back and than as my senses slowly meld back into place I hazily realized I was not in a familiar room and someone was behind me and they held me close to them gently. I swallowed against a dry throat and coughed slightly at the itch that erupted from trying. The person behind me flinched and than snuggled closer. I froze as my senses cleared further.

_'Just who was it that was behind me again..?'_

I slowly turned to try and see but my head became obscured when the warmth of lips tenderly danced across my jawline and caused me to loose focus again and relax into the graceful arms and hard body. The lips and wet tongue make their way to my sensitive ear and whispered barely audible words.

"Are you alright, 'Zuru-san..?"

Hisagi Shuuhei. Of course it was him... I smiled at the thought and felt instantly content in his hold and nodded slowly. The last thing I had coherently recalled was bing-drinking with Matsumoto and talking about the old times with Gin... Gin? No, Ichimaru. Not Gin. ICHIMARU. I silently shook my head and the lips that were suckling on my earlobe stopped and Shuuhei asked me if I didn't like it.

"It's good... I just... I..." I shifted to face him but regretted it as my stomach wrenched in a sickly feeling. I felt my face blanch and I can tell Shuuhei was worried about me. "... I'm going to be sick!" Is all I said as I flung the blankets off and jumped out of the bed only to make it to the hard wood floor as bile erupted out of my mouth. I felt my body wrench harshly as I vomited on the cold floor.

"Izuru!" Shuuhei was instantly by my side holding my left fringe out of the way for me. He softly pet my arched back and whispered softer words. "It's just a hang over, hun. Get the toxins out so you'll feel better."

"Sh-Shuu..!" I gasped in between. My senses had come back completely and I realized I was throwing up on my best friend's... No. Lover's bedroom floor. After a few minutes the onslaught of disgusting bile stopped and Shuuhei took me to his small bathroom right outside his bedroom door. He said it was alright but I still felt horrid for doing it. Not wanting to take my chances I sat myself in front of the toilet and tried to not cry as my stomach ached and my nose stung from the unwelcomed bile. Shuuhei returned with a green cup though I didn't dare touch it than. He set the small cup on the counter to my left and than sat on the edge of the tub to my right as he began to rub my back again. "... I'm sorry..."

"It's alright. It's my fault..." I turned my head carefully so I could look him in the eyes. He kissed my temple and than continued. "... I found you passed out with Ran. I was going to take you to the 4th since you seemed in pretty bad shape... But, than I figured you probably wouldn't want to be there after all this, especially since Unohana-taicho would most likely be worried about you and make me keep my paws off of you..." Shuuhei smiled playfully and I smile as much of a smile as I could muster.

"Heh... Probably... Ugh..." I felt my stomach wrench again as I turned my face to the bowl again.

"Take it easy, 'Zuru-san... You put away a lot drinks earlier." I partially recalled the various bottles of alcohol Rangiku shoved into my hands. I waited but my stomach was only teasing me as nothing came up.

"... She want'd 'ta talk..."

"Ran..? About what..?" Shuuhei's tone tightened, but remained soft. I shrugged slightly as I reached for the small green cup.

"Ichimarhu, I guess..." I took a sip and swished it around before spitting it out to rid myself of some of the sour taste on my tongue. Than I took another sip and swallowed this time. I winced at the taste and feeling, but took a third sip and swallowed. "She... She aphallogized... And me, too... And 'dan she said weird things 'bout him..." My mind was starting to drift with tiredness and emotions as my words slurried and eyes stung.

"Like what?" Said Shuuhei as he kissed my forehead.

"She sthaid 'dat... he always talk'd good 'bout me... Real good, not... fake good..." My sight was beginning to blur again as tears neared. I looked at Shuuhei and I couldn't fight the sting of tears any more. I cried openly as Shuuhei took me into a tight embrace. "He... Hic... Couln't don 'dat really... Hic... Right, Shuus..?"

"No man who could have left marks that vicious could have honestly loved you, Izuru-san. I love you. And I would never purposely harm you unless it was for your own safety in the end. I couldn't beat you and make you bleed to get off. Just thinking of you hurt makes me feel dead inside..."

"...Shuu... I loves you..." I kissed his nose and than everything went black again as I relaxed in his grip.


	14. Night of Friendship Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

**Breakfast With A Side of Love**

The next day I felt only a fraction better as I could actually get down the rice and a few bites of the salted mackerel Shuuhei had provided for me. I felt very embarrassed now that the alcohol had warn off and left me with the knowledge that I had been sick in my lover's bed as I whined and cried all over him all night. There were things I could barely recall if they were dreams or actual questions I really had asked or statements I had really told. Shuuhei sat across from me with his legs crossed, already done with all the rice and soon to be finished with the salted grilled-fish. I was thankful to him and in a way very pleased that he'd go to such trouble for me the previous night. I thought perhaps he felt he was making up for the other day and having told Sotaicho and Unohana-taicho about what Ichimaru had did to me back than. I still felt raw from having to expose myself so much to her and be thoroughly examined. It was nerve racking to say the very least. I still didn't know how I'd face her and Sotaicho after they had seen me so broken down and pathetic. But I also knew I'd have to eventually. I let a small sigh escape my lips as I closed my eyes in deep thought.

"What's wrong, 'Zuru-san?" I opened my eyes again at the worried words from Shuuhei. I couldn't help the smile that worked into the edges of my lips at seeing him ready to jump up and run over to care for me.

"Nothing, I was just thinking of how I was acting yesterday, Shuu-san." He gave me a slight look of concern and I looked down to avoid his stare so I wouldn't blush. "It was improper to have let myself drink so much, work or no work."

"It's fine to enjoy a drink every now and than. But you shouldn't drink that much again, that's for sure." I looked up to Shuuhei again and smiled a tight smile. He grinned wolfishly at me causing heat to spread further across my face. "Not unless you want me to keep taking advantage of you, sweety."

"Wha- You didn't! Did you!?" Shuuhei let out a bark of laughter and I sighed. Though in all honesty I wasn't quite sure if it was of relief or slight disappointment.

_'What am I thinking of!? Disappointment of what? That he didn't touch me while I was passed out with alcohol poisoning?' _

I mentally shook off the bizarre thoughts and turned my attention to the tea as Shuuhei leaned back onto his elbows and watched me. I sipped my tea slowly, not wanting to anger my stomach again, and than set it down as I noted Shuuhei's eyes following me with an almost passion in them. I fancied a flicker of my eyes to see exactly what he was doing while I took a small bite of my fish and was somewhat satisfied that he was indeed watching me still.

"Keep taking peeks at me like that and I'll have to have my way with you."

"Shu-Shuuhei!"

"What? It's not like we haven't done anything like that before! 'Sides, we're dating now, so it's even more okay."

"I know, but... I'm barely starting to feel better and..." I slowly looked down as more blush raised into my cheeks. "... it's still morning. We shouldn't be thinking of such things so early in the morning. The sun's barely risen an hour ago."

"So? I don't mind a quickie before getting dressed and leaving." Before I had registered it Shuuhei had gotten up and had started to walk over to me. I started and than scrambled to get up also.

"Ah, but - it's indecent!" Shuuhei caught me gently in his strong arms and held me a few inches from himself. His breath was becoming hot puffs of quick air on my face and lips.

"No, just decent." He drawled out before pressing his lips firmly against my own. My mind told me it wasn't proper, but the rest of my body was disagreeing with a deep running passion. I caressed Shuuhei too and he pulled back enough to run his hot tongue across my bottom lip and than into my mouth to explore it from side to side. I couldn't help but to close my eyes and fight back with my own tongue until they were all but dancing into one another's mouths. I couldn't really tell who had gone to the floor first, but a few minutes later we were on the floor. I moved and straddled Shuuhei's hips were I could only shiver with anticipation when I felt his enlarged manhood dig into my own hardened member through our kimonos as we kissed and explored each others bodies. He moved so his hands were grabbing my hips and I pressed them into his own hips and bit into his lip. Shuuhei moaned into my mouth with the tang of the bite and than came back with a fierce kiss and bite on my neck. A harsh shiver ran down my spine as I ground into his hips again. My own need was arising fast I was caring less for what was proper or not.

"Shuu... Shuuhei!" Shuuhei worked his teeth, mouth and tongue over my neck and throat making me moan out loud embarrassingly.

"Mmm, so good tastin' Izuru!" I kissed wildly at any part I could reach with my lips as I felt his hands pull off my sash, letting my kimono fall open to his hungry eyes and hands. "Fuck, you're so damn hot..."

"Sh... Shuu-san, please... In me..." I pulled his sash off as well and pushed the fabric to his sides as his erection was allowed up and against his belly. The sight was truly intoxicating to my already hormone drowned eyes. His tight, tanned skin and perfectly sized and smooth cock against his muscled abs made my own cock raise and harden further, much to Shuuhei's own arousal. He pushed me forward and I obeyed crawling so that my ass met his cock and he slid it between me teasingly. Daring to be bold I raised my right index and middle finger to his perfect lips and pressed them to his lips. He slowly took my fingers into his mouth as if cautiously and than sucked softly and wet thoroughly with his tongue and lips. I slowly pulled my wet digits from his mouth and moved them down behind me to my own entrance. With a slight wince I pushed them slowly into myself and watched as Shuuhei watched me, fully entranced. He licked his lips like a hungry wolf waiting to leap onto its wild prey.

"Fuck... This is the hottest thing I've ever seen, 'Zuru-san." I tried not to let my shyness take over and suppressed the urge to look away from his piercing gaze as he looked me over. When I felt I was ready enough I sat back a bit with Shuuhei holding my hips steady and placed his ripened cock at my wet and stretched entrance. I pushed myself down onto him as he groaned happily at the intrusion into myself. I let a gasp of pleasure out as I settled all the way to the hilt of his cock and than paused a moment to let my body adjust to the feeling. I closed my eyes and than after a moment swallowed and than began to move. It was slow and uneven at first, but soon I found the rhythm and balanced myself with my hands on his chest, rocking up and down. After a bit Shuuhei fisted my hair and yanked me down into a rough kiss as he aided in the trusts with his pounding hips. We fought for dominance once again as his cock pushed in and impaled deeper and deeper with every thrust. Soon I could feel the pleasure and searing heat of an orgasm filling my lower gut and I pulled back as my body clenched taught around Shuuhei.

"Oh, Gods, Shuuhei-san!" My hot seed erupted and spurt across my legs and Shuuhei's stomach and chest as he continued to hold me in place and drive up into me. I rode his cock until he joined me in ecstacy and I could feel his burning hot nectar deep inside of myself before I lapsed slowly onto Shuuhei's chest, spreading my own product between us. We laid in silent bliss with the only noise our quick breathing and small movements making his cock slip out when it softened. After awhile I got off and sat next to him as he began to sit up as well. He whispered not to even think of apologizing or getting embarrassed over the situation so I tried my hardest not to look away from him or say sorry for my seed spread across his chest and stomach. He got up on his feet and than helped me up as well.

"You want to shower with me or just go back to bed, hun?" I pecked him softly on his cheek and than thought a moment. I already felt weak again and my eyes were daring to close shut on me. I decided I should take the safe route and go back to sleep. Lest I past out in the shower with Shuuhei. I smiled and shook my head lightly.

"No, I'll just go back to sleep. I feel rather tired again." Shuuhei smiled and kissed my lips before letting go and going into his kitchen and getting a medium hand towel and wetting it on one side. He came back and started to wipe the semen off of my chest and than pulled me in so he could reach behind and wipe away his own seed that had begun to come back out of my backside. I jumped slightly at the contact, but relaxed into his gentle hold. When he finished he tossed the towel on the floor next to the low table and than kissed me tenderly. He pulled away and looked me in the eyes with a deep look. "Thank you, Shuu-san. For everything you've done."

"It's all because I love you. Now go to bed and rest as long as you need to. Eat anything here, and wear anything."

"I'm not going to steal your clothes away from you, too, Shuu-san." I jokingly mocked. He smiled and kissed me again. "Thank you and enjoy your day..." I kissed him on the cheek. "I love you." I kissed him on the lips and savored his taste.

"I love you now and forever, Izuru-san."


	15. Night of Friendship Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

**:~:**

_When I looked up I saw him there on the futon next to me. Ichimaru. He had a white kimono on and was sitting up and looking down at me. But... His eyes were open and he wasn't smiling when he was looking down at me. I tried to sit up but my body felt too heavy to even breathe properly. Than I tried to look around. Everything was blurred into black smoke and shadows. I panicked as the darkness crept closer. But I still couldn't sit up no matter how much effort I had put in it. Ichimaru said something but it was too distorted for me to understand. What is it he said..? I couldn't understand but I had no voice to ask what it was he wanted. He leaned in closer and did the unthinkable. He was sobbing. Not laughing or crying, just silent sobs as he laid his head on my chest. What was going on..? Ichimaru Gin was sobbing over me..? Was I dead? As my thoughts whirled about the corroding darkness slowly snaked up and than finally engulfed us both with a painful grip._

**:~:**

"Gin..." I awoke and my eyes stung with the cold tears that slid down my cheeks. I slowly sat up and than wiped the tears away with the white blanket Shuuhei had provided. I sat hunched over trying to recall the nightmare that had just played out in my head not a minute before. But it was no use. It was nothing but fogged thoughts drifting into nothingness quickly. It must have been pretty bad to make me cry, but than again I hadn't been on those pills for about a week now, so that might have something to do with it, too. I sighed deeply and than sat up. Looking around I found the clock and realized I had slept in to 1 in the afternoon. My mouth dropped open and my brows creased. "1:12!?"

I yanked the blanket off and ran over to where my uniform was folded and quickly got into it. As I was tying off the white sash I debated on getting something to eat from Shuuhei's kitchen or actually treating myself. I bit my lower lip softly and thought of Shuuhei. I thought to bring food to the 9th for him, but than it was already past the time for his regular break, so it was out of the question. I walked over and picked up the purple pouch that I had gotten from Yumichika. I found it made a very nice pouch to keep money and anything small you'd like to take with you places. Luckily I had brought it with me to Matsumoto's place. I recalled being sick and than the morning after I had spent with Shuuhei. There was no one around so I let myself smile openly at the dirty thought of seeing Shuuhei so passionate so early. I held the soft little pouch close to my chest and than closed my eyes for a moment. After a moment I walked into the bathroom to fix my hair and tidy up before I left.

It was bright and very sunny outside much to my dismay. I don't mind a little sun, but too much is just a sunburn away from Hell. I tucked the little pouch into my kimono top and started down the pathway. I started to think where to eat. The 9th wasn't exactly known for it's restaurants and I didn't feel like something made quick and greasy from the Barracks at the 3rd. Than I thought of the places I had seen at the 11th. Not a place I particularly travel normally, but I needed a place to keep my mind from pestering me about that awful dream that I couldn't even recall now. I crouched half way and than took off using shunpo to the 11th Division. I leaped rooftop to rooftop taking in the trees, people and sounds. After awhile I came to the street that had the Cutting Crows. There were little shops, one on either side, though mostly consisted of alcohol, restaurants, weapons or just things I would prefer not to mention. After glancing in the windows of some restaurants I saw Yumichika and Ikkaku in a soba shop and decided to take Yumichika up on his offer to hang out some time. I entered the small restaurant and took a moment to look it over. It was rather plain and had about six to seven rectangular tables and the back wall had an open door to the kitchen along with an opening to the kitchen where the waitresses and waiters picked up the orders. Before anyone had a chance to get to me Ikkaku was yelling out across the place.

"Hey! Blondie! Get over here already!" Yumichika seemed to wilt and die at that as everyone looked over at them. He covered his face in defeat and looked down as I myself tried not to retort for Ikkaku's lack of mannerisms, regardless of being in the 11th. Most everyone else seemed not to mind though as they turned back to whatever they were doing or eating. I took a deep breathe and than sighed before making my way over to the two. Yumichika had a large bowl of Tsukimi soba* already half eaten and Ikkaku had a huge Kake soba* that was pretty much polished off at that point. Ikkaku eagerly ushered me to sit next to Yumichika whom was sitting across from himself. Poor Yumi. He looked miserable and completely embarrassed. I don't blame him really. I was as well, whether or not Ikkaku had good intentions. When I sat down on the bench it was apparently too far from Yumi for Ikkaku's liking as he pushed on my shoulder until my thigh was touching Yumi's. I tried not to think of it as Ikkaku handed me a gray cup and thankfully it was full of warm green tea. Ikkaku finally sat back down after getting yelled at by Yumi whom was obviously trying to avoid eye contact with me. My fingers started to fidget with the glass and my eyes lowered to look into the cup at the awkward situation. Ikkaku waved a waitress over and she came trotting up. "What 'ya wanna' eat, Kira?"

"Oh, um-ah... I-I would like, um, t-tanuki soba*, p-please, miss." I inwardly cursed myself. I thought I had been doing better at stuttering. sighed after the waitress left and than Ikkaku slapped me on the shoulder, almost affectionately. Almost.

"Ikka! Cut that the Hell out! Leave. Him. Alone." Yumi stared down Ikkaku until he sat down all the way grumbling something under his breath. Yumi sighed heavily before turning to me with an apologetic look. "Sorry, he's... just being enthusiastic. About the-ah-meal."

"The meal..?"

"Yeah, the meal. Right, Ikkaku?" Yumi looked over to Ikkaku who wasn't even paying attention.

"Huh?" Ikkaku looked up at Yumi and than it must have hit him what he was supposed to do. "Oh. Yeah, the food here's great! Ah, hey, I remembered I had to go and find Fukutaicho to fix on the wheels on her zanpakuto. So I'll see 'ya guys 'round!"

"Oh, um, o-okay! G-Good bye, Ikkaku-kun!" I stood to be polite when Ikkaku left and was considering moving to the other side when the waitress came back and set my food in front of me.

"Here you go, hun. It's hot, so be careful, okay?"

"Y-yes, miss. Thank you." I inclined my head to her and the girl smiled.

"Just enjoy it!" And than she turned and walked off to another table. I sat back down a few inches from Yumichika as to give him (and myself) some space. I picked up the hashi and started to gather some noodles when I heard Yumi mumble something under his breath. I looked at him and he was actually blushing. I forced myself to not laugh. He was so adorable at times. I never dared to tell that to him though. I feared he'd take it as an insult or something and go off on me. I've seen his outbursts of stuff being 'ugly' and 'not-beautiful.' Yumichika faced me with an annoyed face and his eyes looking to his side.

"Sorry. About him and being such an idiot at times." He talked fast and than faced his plate again before I even had a chance to reply to him directly.

"It's, uh, o-okay. I didn't mind that much, Yumichika-kun." Yumi jerked his head up to look at me with wide eyes. "Wh-what?" Yumichika broke out into a huge smile.

"You called me Yumichika!"

"Well, y-yeah! I mean, th-that's okay, isn't it?"

"Oh! Of course it is! I told you to! Ah, I just didn't think you actually would. Hahaha... Ha." Yumichika fidgeted with his orange strap as he rolled his eyes to the side. I looked back to my plate and took a bite of the soba noodles and tempura batter. Well, at least Ikkaku wasn't lying about the food being good. "Anyway, what are you doing here in the 11th again?" I looked over and Yumichika gave scowl. "Or are you here with high and mighty Hisagi-Fukutaicho?" I winced slightly at his words. Did not seemed too happy at all about the other night. He was obviously jealous, though I'd be the first to admit he goes from adorable to hot when he's mad or jealous.

"N-no, I'm not here with Hisagi-fukutaicho. And do not talk so harshly about someone of higher rank than you, even if you dislike hem. It's very bad mannerism and shows poor respect."

"Hmph. 'Respect' for who? Hisagi? I could beat him in combat and _I_ need to show _him_ 'respect'..?" Sometimes Yumichika's arrogant attitude does get to me though. He must have saw this that I was becoming annoyed at his obvious display of disrespect for his ranked superiors because he softened again and than looked away as he crossed his arms. "Whatever, just eat up already. It'll get cold soon and it will most certainly not taste beautiful than."

"Ah, ye-yeah." I took a gathered a heap of noodles and stuck them into my mouth and ate it. The whole time I was eating I had to keep from looking over at Yumichika. He was watching me out of the corner of his eye and I knew it. Trying to keep a straight face and not blush I ate until it was all gone, washing it down with the warm tea. After a bit of rest and mindless chatter over ridiculous things Yumichika asked if I wanted to go to the onsen*. I was reluctant, but gave in to the thought it'd help with my achy body. Apparently Matsumoto let me fall asleep on the floor and left me there.

We reached the outdoor onsen and the hostess showed us to the room were we could get out of our clothes and put them into a side basket. Than with the towel wrapped around our waists we walked to the outside springs. Yumichika went ahead and slipped into the spring first as I closed the large shoji behind myself. I have to admit Yumi was quite gorgeous to watch as he slowly let himself slide into the hot springs. His skin was already pinking when I got in myself. I hissed slightly at the heat inching up my sensitive areas, though I really couldn't feel much of anything on my inner thighs. When I finally got in all the way I waded further in to be nearer Yumichika. He had gone and leaned up against the larger boulders and rocks at the other side. I came a foot or so away from him not wanting to be too intimate now knowing how he felt about me. We sat in the hot water for awhile without saying anything to each other. Just taking in the serenity. Than Yumi spoke softly.

"So..? How is it, I-zu-ru-chan?" Well, the concept of not being intimate was thrown out the door. He smiled feverishly at me and stared at me with lowered lids. I took a deep breath before replying.

"It's very nice, Yumi-kun."

"I'm glad. I come here a lot. It's good for the one's health and body. Some say mind, too. Your choice." It was nice that the nervousness hard lightened up at least. I wasn't feeling like I was going to die in my place. I figured out it was Ikkaku that must have made me feel that way. I nodded so he didn't think I was ignoring him and sunk in the water as I closed my eyes. The heat and waves and lapping of the water was rather soothing. I felt Yumichika's reiatsu reach out and glide against mine so I opened my eyes halfway to see that he had come closer to me and was slightly grinning. "You know... You are very... honorable. And... very... handsome."

"Yu-Yumi-kun... I don't think we sh-should do anything r-rash! I- with Hisa-" Before I could finish Yumichika had his lips pressed firmly against mine. He slowly pressed it further and tasted my lips. I sort of wanted him to kiss me more deeply. But than I thought of Hisagi and how kind and caring he had been for me so I forced myself to get control. Slowly I gripped onto Yumi's tender shoulders and pulled him a few inches away. He looked at me with heat in his face and desire in his eyes. I felt a pinch of guilt but I knew I would regret it if I let myself go. I inhaled sharply before I found my voice again. "I'm sorry Yumichika-kun, but I cannot do this sort of thing with you. I am in a good relationship for the first time in my life. I do not wish to ruin it. You are attractive and a good person, but I cannot loose Shuuhei-san. I can't... I'm sorry." I loosened my grip on Yumichika and looked down. I knew he was furious by the way he shunpoed out of the bathhouse with a raging flare of reiatsu. My arms dropped to the water and I tried to tell myself that I did the right thing, but it seemed hard for some reason. "I'm sorry, Yumi-kun, but I love Shuu-san far too much. He's my everything right now."

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**Haha, yes Yumichika calls food beautiful tasting or not. Like the episode with the whole cake thing. He tastes it and says it tastes beautiful. LOL. Hope his was cutesy/lovey for you guys. :p**

***Tsukimi soba** - Soba served with a raw egg over it, which eventually cooks in the hot broth.

***Kake soba **- Soba topped with sliced up scallions and served hot.

***Tanuki soba** - Soba topped with deep fried tempura batter.

***Onsen** - Japanese springs. In this case a traditional outdoors one. Medium sized I would assume.


	16. Night of Fantasies Chapter 1

**The Night of Fantasies**

**Chapter 1:**

**Identifying Love and Than Lust**

I couldn't help but feel a ting of guilt and perhaps even... disappointment. I had never had so many conflicting thoughts before. I loved Shuuhei. But now I had a strange yearning for Yumichika. On top of that I kept having these absurd dreams of Ichimaru always over me crying or mournful saying something I couldn't hear. It was driving me nearly insane. On top of that I couldn't possibly cheat on the man I love and who'd been helping me to focus and get my grounding these past few months. But ever since Yumichika had kissed me at the onsen, I've had an uncharacteristic longing to touch him again. I didn't speak a word of the incedent to Shuuhei, seeing as how we were getting into a good pace and going out regularly with our friends and to the poem lectures together. I didn't want to ruin that. I couldn't ruin that. I was sitting with Shuuhei at the 9th during our lunches and we were eating some Yakitori* while sitting out on the wooden porch to the side of his office. I sat with my legs tucked under myself like I usually do and he sat to my left with his legs lazily crossed. He was gorging on the chicken as I ate more slowly taking in the nice crystal blue skies and perfect white clouds up high into the sky. It seemed there were more of them to appreciate especially when Shuuhei was near me. I still couldn't smile like he wanted me to, but he also understood. I still held some unnatural feelings for Ichimaru and I had admitted so to Shuu. He said he didn't understand, but he'd give me time to adjust without Ichimaru's presence and get use to his. I most definitely welcomed such. As I chewed and than swallowed some more of the meat Shuuhei spoke softly.

"Do you wanna' go out later on tonight? Ikkaku-kun and Iba-kun want to go out for drinks. Thought you'd like to join me." Shuu looked over at me while he took another large bite. I looked at him and than I looked down. Iba would be fine, and maybe even Ikkaku, but... wouldn't Yumichika be there than? That'd be far too unpleasant. Me, there with Shuuhei, sitting near Yumichika, the man who'd near confessed his love for me and than kissed me only to be rejected in the end. Yeah, that'd go over oh-so-smoothly. I sighed at the discomfort I felt over taking me. Than I felt Shuuhei's strong right hand grip my left shoulder firmly before becoming a soft and inviting touch moving to my lower back and rubbing lightly in circles there. "Or not..?"

"Huh?" I looked up at Shuuhei's hurt words. Than I realized he had a look of concern in his face. I must have caved in slightly thinking of the situation. I looked away out of shame. "Oh! Uh... um, n-no!" Than I looked at him to see disappointment. "Ah! I meant, no, like no, I'll go! I-I don't mind! I just. I'm not sure about drinking. That's all! I still remember what happened the last time I drank for hours on end. I wound up in your place vomiting every where."

"And having make up sex on the floor in the morning."

"Sh-Shuuhei!"

"What? It's true!"

"That... That isn't the point!" Than I thought about what he said for a moment. "And it wasn't 'make up,' just... plain sex." I cringed at my own words. Was I really saying that aloud?

"Ahahaha..! No, not plain, not by any means. It was hot, passionate, heart-racing, fun-loving hanky panky."

" 'Han-hanky panky'..? What..?" Than I looked away from his unwavering stare into my eyes. "Don't say it like that!" Shuu laughed again and I couldn't help but smile if only a little tight one. "You're horrible!"

"No, I'm not so bad if you chose me. Right..?"

"Right... But still, don't say it like that. It sounds... raunchy." Once again Shuuhei laughed as he pulled me into a one armed hug and squeezed me tight. I smiled again and took another bite of my yakitori.

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The bar we went to was noisy and over all too crowded, but Shuuhei and the others didn't seem to mind. Iba and Ikkaku were there, but, luckily, no Yumichika. I opened up a bit and had some sake since I needn't be too in control. Though Ikkaku was laughing and grinning like always I couldn't help but feel like he'd give me a glance with a bit of distaste every now and than. He probably was upset I didn't give into Yumichika, since they were so close. But I wasn't about to cheat on Shuu. At least, that's what I kept telling myself anytime I thought of Yumi and got a small pang of hurt swelling in myself. The other three kept joking, laughing, drinking and hollering. I smiled and laughed at the jokes as well, but I didn't dare drink as much as them. I had learned my lesson after getting so sick that night. We were having a great time for the most part, especially after I had a few drinks in me and could ignore the discomfiting glances from Ikkaku. After awhile the guys had all drunk themselves into a stupor and I was starting to get a good buzz off the sake. They were talking about being a Taicho and what it'd mean to have entire division under them. Well, at least talking about how they would treat their subordinates. Shuuhei said he'd make them work hard and respect traditions as well as uphold justice. Iba said he'd never make them work past four p.m. that way they could all go out and drink together and something about wearing glasses like in our Men's Association gatherings. I sort of thought about that and giggled slightly as I leaned into Shuu's shoulder. I noticed the others gave an odd look but I ignored it in favor of the warmth and hard muscles my head was resting on.

"Hey, we should do this more often..!" I said nonchalantly before taking another sip of my sake. Shuuhei wrapped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed slightly.

"Sounds goo 'ta meh!" Shuuhei leaned over and kissed me on my temple sloppily as the other two agreed drunkly. I closed my eyes and took in the slowly quieting bar. It was still chattering and the clanking of dishes and bottles, but over all it had quieted down greatly from a few hours before hand. I heard some rummaging only to open my eyes and see Komamura standing behind a near passed out Iba. I sat straight and inclined my head when he graced his golden eyes over to mine for a moment. It was one thing for my friends to know and another for a Taicho I barely knew to find out about Shuu and I. He sighed and mumbled something to Iba before taking his arm over his shoulders and helping him up. He inclined his head before turning to leave. "See you 'round, Iba-san!"

"I'll find 'ya and we can go out again tomorrow, man!" Ikkaku happily yelled out before turning back to the table and taking a huge slug of his sake bottle. I smiled care freely as I began to feel a wash of tiredness. I leaned back into Shuuhei's warmth again and he welcomed me eagerly with kisses pressed to my temple. I laughed a bit before I opened my eyes and saw Ikkaku eyeing us with a face of distaste. I swallowed and turned my face to bury it into Shuuhei's chest. My chest was tightening and pulling as I thought of the pained reiatsu Yumi had given off that last time I had interacted with him solely. We had seen each other off and on from time to time, but we never looked eye to eye or talked to each other. Shuuhei didn't know either. He just assumed I disliked him for something. I didn't though. I felt bad. But he shouldn't have kissed me without talking and finding out what was what first. I pressed a chaste kiss to Shuuhei's neck and heard a grunt from Ikkaku. " 'Ya two real fuckin' close, huh?"

"Yep. We've been going strong for a while now. Right, 'Zuru-chan?"

" 'Chan'..?" I pulled back slightly and scowled him. Well, at least I meant to. But by the kiss and squeezed I received I'd say it failed. I sighed and looked to Ikkaku and nodded as a light heat brushed over my cheeks. "...Yeah..."

"Huh. Yumi's had the hots for 'ya for awhile, 'ya know that?"

"Ah, we-well..."

"What? Really? He likes you..?"

"Ye-yeah..." I swallowed and lowered my head. "He... He kissed me a few months back. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner..."

"Are you kiddin'!??" I jumped at his enthusiastic words. He had an odd spark of passion... or maybe lust... in his eyes as he looked to me. "That's great! See..? You think so poorly of yourself and you got guys wanting you all over!"

"Shuu... Quiet down..!" I tugged on his shihakusho and he lowed his face to me with a mock concern.

"Ohh, right, sorry. But, I mean, a guy who obsesses over beauty likes you, Izuru! That's gotta' make 'ya feel all warm inside."

"M-Maybe..?"

"Maybe we could try him out in bed with us." Shuuhei's calm and ever soft words almost got by me until they hit when I saw Ikkaku's dead pan face. We boh paused before turning our attention to Shuuhei with utter disbelief.

"What did you say!??"

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***Yakitori** - Japanese chicken on bamboo skewers usually grilled with a BBQ sauce. They can range from the heart of a chicken to just the white meat (referred to as "Free Range").


	17. Night of Fantasies Chapter 2

**Hello! Hope all of you like this so far! Yeah, a love triangle is forming. But it'll serve as an interesting change in the flow, right?**

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**Chapter 2:**

**What About Just Two?**

"Maybe we could try him out in bed with us." Hisagi said in a calm and soft voice as Kira had his head against Shuuhei's shoulder. At first Kira didn't really think about what his lover had said. Than he saw Ikkaku's face from across the table and it hit him. He and Ikkaku both looked to Hisagi and yelped out at him.

"What did you say!??" Hisagi blinked a few times registering the two mens' faces. He didn't think what he said was so bad.

"What did I say..? It'd be hot to have them both in bed!"

"Sh-Shuu!"

"What?! It _so_ would be!"

"And that's _so_ _not_ the point!" Kira sat up straight as he socked Hisagi on his left arm with his right fist. Ikkaku barked out with laughter as Hisagi hissed and grabbed his arm.

"Dude, Yumi would jump in the sack with you two in a heartbeat to get Kira's cock!" Ikkaku laughed out drunkly.

"Uh-Ikkaku!" Kira couldn't help but turn from a soft peach color to a deep scarlet at the suggestion.

'_What was happening to all the things my family had taught me?' - _Kira vaguely thought in his drunken state. _'First I fall for Ichimaru and get entangled in his and Aizen's games, and now this stuff..?' _

"Baby! You should've told me Yumi has the hots for 'ya!" Hisagi said woozily as he leaned over to Kira and hugged him tight. Kira pushed at Hisagi's side in a lazy effort to get away from his attack of sloppy kisses. Eventually Kira giggled and fell prey to his man's wet kisses, kissing him back on the lips just as sloppily. Ikkaku watched taking swigs from his sake bottle as the two kissed and thought in his fogged mind why Yumi could like Kira Izuru. The man was polite and loyal, maybe even to a fault, pale, blonde and took care of his looks. That's what his best friend had always said about the blond when he'd gawk at him. Ikkaku just assumed it was because Kira had always been unattainable because of work or something. No one ever told him another guy was a problem until his buddy came back with the threat of tears - real tears, not fake pouty things - that made even the pink-haired brat quiet down and settle next to Zaraki nicely. Zaraki didn't say anything, only rubbed at the back of his head while his eyes looked the other way as Yumi walked by with a dense and painful reiatsu. Kira made an undignified sound as Hisagi nipped at his throat bringing Ikkaku back to the present. Kira swatted Shuuhei off him as he sat straight again and chuckled at something Hisagi mumbled to him. Ikkaku leaned back and observed the two with a faint smile.

Ikkaku had been mad earlier, thinking for a while that Kira was just sleeping around, but he saw the they were really a couple now. Even he had to admit that Yumi should probably just back off. But, if Hisagi and Kira were alright with his feminine buddy taking part in their nightly activities than why should he stop it from happening? Maybe it'd even ebb all the harsh rumors of Ikkaku and Ayasegawa were in a sexual relationship. Now, Madarame didn't care if someone wanted dick when they ha one of their own. He just didn't like it when someone wanted his dick and had one of their own. Now that was a problem for him. No man would ever touch him that way, that was for sure. He'd even cut Yumichika short a hug if the lean man was too drunk. After some other incoherent thoughts Ikkaku finally decided it best if he stumbled home now rather than later. He stood lazily and than waved a hand as best he could mumbled a drunken good bye. Kira and Hisagi both said something along the line of good bye back as Hisagi waved with his other arm still wrapped about Kira's hip protectively. Kira took a moment to think while Hisagi grabbed his sake bottle and drank. They should get back while they could still make it as well. Sitting straight Izuru tugged softly at his lover's sleeve making the dark-haired man look over.

"What 's it, babe?" Hisagi asked with a slur. Kira smiled as he slid out of his seat.

"Home. I think weh should ge' home now, too." Hisagi gave a thoughtful look before nodding and taking a last swig from the bottle which was at some point meant for more than one person. He set the bottle down and turned to join Kira. The two made their way out of the bar and walked stumbling and laughing together all the way to Hisagi's home, seeing as how it was the closer place. By the time they got back they were subdued into soft kisses and holding hands while whispering heated words. The two lovers made their way inside the home, nearly forgetting to take their waraji until Kira said something. They woozily took them off and than supported each other to the bedroom, stumbling a bit here and kissing some more there. As they neared the room the kisses and groping intensified and soon Hisagi was roughly kissing and nipping at the giggling Kira. "We... gotta' at least get up in the morning, we have work, Shuu!"

"Mmm, we'll tell 'em we don' feel s' good t'morow, 'kay?" Shuuhei kissed and nipped at the soft, pale flesh of the blond's throat causing him to lift his head to allow Hisagi better access. The older of the two wrapped his arms about the pale blond and held him tight at his waist. Their bodies rubbed with a hot friction as Kira let a whimper of sweet delight escape his pink lips. He could not fight the hot and harsh bites and kisses Hisagi trailed across his jaw and neck. Kira ran his hands up Hisagi's back and gripped the black fabric of Hisagi's uniform, moaning softly. After a few hard bites to his blond lover's throat Hisagi kissed his way back up to Kira's deluctable lips, snaking his hot tongue into the sweet, almost innocent mouth. Kira welcomed the muscle in and encouraged it with his own. Tasting the sake laced over their mouths the two drunk each other in as Hisagi's hands began to wonder until the snaked around to Kira's sash, easily untying it while the youth was distracted and drunk. A few soft tugs and the white length was raveling on the floor and was soon accompanied by Kira's hakama and fundoshi followed suit. The cold breeze alerted Kira as he broke the kiss blushing a deep red.

"Sh-Shuuhei..." Hisagi grinned that wolf's grin of his and raised his hands to pull the top off of Kira's shoulders, letting it fall to the ground as well. Kira looked away as Hisagi looked him up and down, only to frown at the sight of Kira's deep and layered scars. Hisagi still couldn't believe Kira thought he really had to endure all of that alone. To think that was what 'love' really was. Looking back up to Kira he said the other's name with a slight demand so that he would look on at him. Swallowing slightly Kira looked to Hisagi, locking eyes with him. "Shuuhei?"

"I. Love. You. You understand that, right?" Kira's eyes widened as he sobered slightly at the situation. He looked down and thought a moment he looked back up.

"Yes, I do." Kira said shy with a soft smile. "You've been so good to me."

"And I always will." Hisagi suddenly broke back into a smile as he undid his own sash. "Now, let's get back to were we were, hot stuff."


	18. Night of Fantasies Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

**Paired Problems**

The next few days had been rather good for Kira. His and Hisagi's relation ship was gathering much needed passion and Izuru's dreams were turning from a depressing situation with his former Taicho to delicious, sexual wet dreams about Hisagi. That was most definitely a plus to the blond. Kira was finally getting further from Gin's grasp, or at least, he prayed he was. But Yumichika was still a bit of an issue. He had gone to the 9th Division to speak 'personally' with Hisagi. But luckily Hisagi had been out delivering the reports to all the Taichos and Yumichika hadn't wanted to be made a fool and wait for him. At least according to what the 9th Division officers said about him. Apparently he was huffing and had a 'demanding look in his eyes.'

The blond was glad Hisagi hadn't talked with the other dark-haired man. It could only have led to more problems. Especially since Hisagi was having wild and delirious notions of a threesome, including one Ayasegawa Yumichika. Which Kira most certainly did not want apart of their love life. At least he kept telling himself that daily. The 11th Division member was nice, even rather attractive in Kira's point of view, but Kira couldn't bring himself to ruin or even attempt something that may end up ruining his relationship with his now lover Shuuhei. Kira was still worried over the fact Hisagi had claimed to be in love with Matsumoto not too long ago. That one still made him uncomfortable. On top of that Izuru seemed to be talking less and less with Hinamori and Abarai both. Momo was lost in her own world or was flat out unconscious. Renji was off with the orange-haired youth that had nearly stomped out Soul Society single handedly. Izuru would sometimes wonder playfully if the red-head had a thing for the human youth.

Kira sighed softly as his thoughts wound up and down his tired mind as he shuffled some papers neatly and then just as neatly stacked them in their respective slots. He made his way back to his desk and was looking about at the last of the evening's work as a soft knock sounded at the door behind him. He started slightly and mentally kicked himself for being so damn jumpy at something so simple. He inhaled a short bit before turning to see who had made the noise that caused him to jump. To his relief it was only Ukitake with his usual tender smile. Kira sighed and then gave a smile to the Taichou. It wasn't nearly as tender or soft, but it was a smile none the less. Jushiro paused at the door looking at the blond who stared back. Kira was getting uneasy with the higher-powered man just standing there. Apparently the white-haired man recognized this and let a bit of a sly smile settle on his lips.

"Well? May I come in to your office?" Kra started slightly before quickly bowing.

"I-I'm sor-sorry, Sir! Please, co-come in!" To his dismay heard the Captain chuckle at his stuttered words.

"I consider you more then just a subordinate, Kira-kun." Ukitake said softly with a bit of an unreadable smile. Kira jerked up to look at Ukitake only to go deadpan. Did he just hear that right? He gawked at his superior until the older man caught what Kira had thought he meant and quickly raised his hands in defense. "As a friend, a friend!"

"Oh. I thought, uh, heh, never mind." Izuru smiled as a soft pink blush dusted over his cheeks. Ukitake chuckled softly as he came in, turning only to close the door. As he was walking over Kira gestured to the tea to his left. "Would you like some, Sir?"

"No, no. I'm fine. I actually came to see how you were doing." Kira stared a moment before looking to the side with a faint wisp of blush edging on his cheeks.

"Isa… Isai-san is very kind to me and has been helping a lot. Well, I mean, except with the whole Yumichika thing-"

"What's going on with the 11th fifth seat, if I may ask?" Kira looked at him as he took a step forward. Izuru had forgotten that Jushiro didn't know about Yumichika.

"Oh… Um, it's sort of awkward, but, uhh, Yu-Yumichika-kun confessed his, uh, affections for me, I guess." Kira looked to Ukitake whom was taken aback a bit. Izuru smiled shyly. "Now Isai-san is having wild fantasies about a threesome and what-not."

"Oh?" The white-haired man laughed a gentle laugh as he softly shook his head. "Typical man. Shunsui-san would be the same, I'm sure of it." Kira looked to Ukitake with a slight look of seriousness.

"Would you… allow for it?"

"What? A threesome..?" Kira nodded grimly. "Well… It would depend on whom and whether or not I could stand to have them in the same bed as myself." He laughed in an amused tone. "Zaraki-kun and Komamora-kun would most likely be out. They're nice, but…. Anyway, why do you ask?"

"Well, I, umm, I-I-"

"You are considering giving in to your lover's request?" Kira stared at him a moment before nodding. Ukitake smiled softly at the confused youth. "Kira-kun." Kira looked back up to his friend. "Do what you think would please yourself most of all. Do not think of ranks and consequences this once. Do what will put a smile onto your face. You deserve that much. Alright?"Izuru thought a long beat as he nibbled on his lower lip before he nodded once again. The elder man smiled openly and patted Kira on his shoulders. The blond startled a bit before looking Jushiro in the face and smiling.

"Thank you. I guess I do worry a lot over things. I'm still worried a bit, but… Not the same as before though, so that's good."

"Well, I'm more than glad to help!" Chimed Ukitake with a childish glee. Kira smile more at the man. Then something came to his mind and his smile slowly dropped off his face as his eyes lowered in thought. The 13th Division Taichou caught this change right away and lost his own smile. "What is it? I can tell this isn't just about Ayasegawa-kun. Please… Kira-kun, tell me?"

"Ich… Ichimaru… I… I've been having dreams, well, ahh, they've been calming down as of late, but for awhile after Ichimaru had left I had these dreams - these _nightmares_ – of Ichimaru crying and hurt and then there was always a darkness and… I-I don't know, they got to be so crud and dark. I'm sorry… It was just worrisome for awhile."

"No, don't be sorry. I just don't understand why you hadn't said anything when they started instead of waiting until now." Kira looked surprised for a moment. Then his face turned into one of concern and confusion.

"I… I never… I'm not sure, I think I meant to, but…" The youth looked down, his eyes darting back and forth as his mind was in a deep thought. Ukitake sighed softly before raising his hands and tenderly placing them on Kira's slumped shoulders. The youth looked up to his superior. "It was like it wasn't an option. That no one else should know about them."

"I do know now and if they come back with that force again ou must let me know, alright? I can talk to Unohana-san about herbal remedies for sleep. So don't hesitate. Okay?" Kira smiled just as gently as Ukitake and nodded briefly.

"Yes, thank you again. You're a lot like Shuuhei-san is." A hardy chuckle burst from Juushiro's mouth as he removed his hands from Kira's shoulders.

"I can only dream of being that good-looking this old!" Izuru couldn't help but to laugh along with the other. Maybe things really were simpler then Kira kept making them to be. Maybe Hisagi was right and he should just let Yumichika join in and 'Please him to Hell' as Shuuhei so elegantly put it. But all good things come in time, don't they? Kira sure hoped so. He wasn't sure he could take much longer of his anxiety.

**X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X **

**Thank you so much for being patient. It was getting hard to continue this, but continue this I must for the sake of the fans!**


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